Abstinence doesn’t necessarily mean taking holy orders from God, and you don’t have to be a virgin to do it. People may choose to abstain from sexual intercourse or activities where semen can contact the vagina for a time because of personal beliefs, religious beliefs, safety concerns about pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), or simply because it just makes sense to them at a particular time in their life.

Remaining abstinent from sex may include any and all sexual activities (e.g., kissing, touching, oral, vaginal, anal sex, masturbation, etc.), or may just be with regards to actual intercourse; there are no set rules (unless your abstinence is based on your religious beliefs.) As such, people abstinent from sex may choose to engage in other activities such as kissing, touching, hugging, masturbation (solo or mutual) with no intercourse and ejaculation well away from the vagina.

Although the risk of pregnancy is essentially zero with abstinence, contracting a sexually transmitted disease is possible with activities where the genital regions or secretions of one partner come in contact with some part of the other partner. Even skin to skin contact can transmit STDs (e.g., crabs, herpes, venereal warts, molluscum). See our STD Online Guide for more information on these and other sexually transmitted infections.

It’s perfectly normal and okay not to have sexual intercourse. It may feel like everyone else out there is having sex all the time, but they’re really not. People have a wide range of sexual expression ranging from touching, hugging and kissing, to heavy petting, to sexual intercourse. Analyze your own feelings. Is this something you really want to do for yourself, or just to please your partner? Are you being overtly or subtly pressured into having sex of any kind just to keep the relationship intact? Remember that you are in charge of your own body; don’t let anyone pressure you into something you may not be ready for. If your partner truly cares for you, he or she will respect you. And don’t forget you can remind them of that fact!