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#1732 - 10/22/03 11:16 PM
Ok.. Im seriously confused
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FaBMX
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Well.. I dont feel depressed..But i just feel like killing myself..I have been seriously considering it for about ..3 or 4 days? a week something like that.. but its weird.. Im not like crying..all down.. im up ..and happy..Just i want to die..I used to break down and cry when i thought about it..and would stop..But recently.. I dont care..I want to.. Im actually looking forward to it.. I attemped to slit my wrist the other night..but the knife was just to dull..wouldnt be a clean enought kill for me.. So.. Is this like the final stage of the dead end called depression..? or what? or am i just a complete physcho? .. Thanks
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#1733 - 10/23/03 01:17 AM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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sexpert69
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i really don't know much about whether people can be suicidal without being depressed, I assume they could be. Do you think you might be manic right now? you mentioned you were very "up". overly up by chance?
i think you should seek professional help asap if you are feeling this. and if you need anyone to talk to you can pm me...
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#1734 - 10/23/03 01:33 AM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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FaBMX
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In reply to:
manic
? Not overly up..But more like a normal person.. Im so confused.. I cant get help..I dont want anyone to know.. ( parents, family) I'd rather just die.. Its so weird.. Why me?
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#1735 - 10/23/03 02:06 AM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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sexpert69
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well if you aren't comfortable talking to your parents yet you could try someone totally anonymous. can you get some counseling anywhere?
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#1736 - 10/23/03 03:01 AM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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Do you know why you want to die, FaBMX?
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#1737 - 10/23/03 08:08 PM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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FaBMX
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I dont know why..Its weird.. Im acting just like a normal person..Accept I want to die.. Its like i have lost all emotions..I have be talking to people all day with out talking to them.. Just kinda like im in a daze..I think about how i want to die.. Where..When.. Its so weird.. I think i have serious issues.. But i think my school's counseluing (SP?) system requires my parents to know if im at rish of hurting myself... So thats out.. Im kinda in a weird daze sometimes.. Today one my friends was explaining this whole bottle rocket thing he did.. I didnt catch a bit of it.. I just nodded every so often.. am i dead already? Thanks for all the help..
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#1739 - 10/23/03 09:11 PM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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I think this is connected with the girl knocking you back. Your mind is coping with the trauma by disconnecting. It's sort of a mini post traumatic stress syndrome. It will slowly get better, but I think it would be good if you could get counselling somewhere to help. You are worth it!
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#1741 - 10/23/03 10:19 PM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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Look, don't do anything with the girl until you've got yourself sorted out. You're not in a good state at the moment to ask her again. She may well see that you are taking it hard, and be feeling bad, but that doesn't at all mean that getting back together is a good idea.
You can call what you are going through at the moment a "breakdown" if you like - that's a broad term that covers a lot of different symptoms, but always the result of stress, and nearly always the symptoms, whatever they are, hit without warning. It's happened to me.
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#1742 - 10/24/03 12:19 AM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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FaBMX
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But see.. I dont think she knows im down..because im up.. Im acting normal..Thats the weird part.. I can just thorow these ideas of sucide around like nothing.. and plan it freely.. Thats what worring me.. I get close and closer everyday.. to killing myself.. It dosnt bother me a bit..Its like.. Its a final stage.. :: thinks of example:: ok..this might work.. a video game.. like nintendo or w/e The game is hard..gotta fight fight..and fight ( or w.e) and at the end ..its just like you walk down a ..umm tunnel and you beat the game.. cause its like i really have no emotions.. Its like i dont care.. Nothing is really mattering to me.. It kinda reminds me of how in the movies there dead.. Im just like here.. But i act noramlly..just tunning everything everyone out..
Im about to crack tomorrow with my History teacher.. He is pissing me off..My pacitence is at about 97% gone..so tomorrow.. I dont know what will happen.. Its Just TO weird..If i repeated any of this.. Im sorry..but you know.. Its like im planning on dieing.. Not doing school work..hw.. or w/e Its liek im not here..Did i die and not know it? lol.. Thanks
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#1743 - 10/24/03 12:41 AM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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I'm worried, FabMX. I think you need to avoid stress as much as possible until you get better. A little bit more stress at the moment is likely to induce a reaction that is way out of proportion. Do see the counsellor, please. You will get back to normal but you need support.
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#1744 - 10/24/03 01:26 AM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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FaBMX
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I dont think i can bring myself to do it..( going for help) I could have.. ( COULD) one of my friend report me? Like say they think i have problems..but i have threatend all i have told this to ( friends) with death if they do tell.. So that might not work.. I dont know..If i dont go..how long tell im better?
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#1745 - 10/24/03 04:00 AM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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It would be good if your friends got help for you. But some friends you have threatened that they are not to tell, and they may not tell anyone because of that. And people you haven't told may not notice. Often people don't notice that someone is suffering from stress until something small happens and the person violently over-reacts.
Friends themselves can be a good support. Spend as much time talking with friends as you can. Do things that are pleasant and not demanding. This is going to take some time - weeks at least. Be very easy on yourself.
The school counsellor can be helpful, by getting the homework issue lifted off your back. You don't need to say you are about to kill yourself. You could say that you think about killing yourself. That is enough for a counsellor to take it seriously, without considering it an immediate risk that must be passed on to your parents, if you can't bear that to happen. However, your parents probably already realise something is wrong.
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#1746 - 10/24/03 05:33 PM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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Sexpert
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I have become numb to certain emotions too, it's sad but all so true. For this to happen, a person has to feel these emotions for a long time, and be weighed down by them. If a person can get through this phase without doing something stoopid, you reach a meditative state where things no longer bother you. This can be both good and bad, good because you let go of petty bullshit thoughts that go nowhere, and bad because people see you as a cold individual with little feelings. Always respect your fellow human and most of all, always respect yourself!
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#1748 - 10/24/03 11:53 PM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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Yes, I think it's basically stress from the girl thing. The fact that you are talking back when you would normally be quiet, about things that irritate you, is typical. The teacher can probably see how tense and stressed you are, so he might be trying not to push you.
The counsellor, because he has an official position, could help square the homework issue, so that's worth doing. But do try the teen place as well. Talking to people does help.
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#1749 - 10/25/03 12:29 AM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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FaBMX
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I think i can get my homework situation under control this weekend. I will talk to the teacher that runs the teen place.. And tell her i need help ( maybe ) .So you think the teacher might sense/see that im overly stressed/up-set and thats why he hasnt kicked me yet? and maybe why the girl ( one i asked out) is kinda down? well not kinda..she is.. I dont see her laugh or smile hardly anymore..I think i might.. have one of my friends..turn me in.. Accept this will be really hard.. I'm not independent for that.. I hate asking for help.. I hate working with other people ( like in class..prefer to do my assiments by myself) ok.. I asked my friend if more stressed..depressed..he said he as noticed it a little bit...But..Still on this issue.. Why would sucide be so easy to commit right now.. I think its my dad.. Its seems like i cant do anything right when i do something for him.. So maybe reason for want to commit sucide.. ? 'IF' i go in monday for counselling.. I really NEED to watch my wording.. If i say one wrong word.. Im out..If they start saying i need major help.. outside of school .. That my parents need to know my state.. Thats when trouble starts.. Because im out of there.. I will KILL to get out there.. Literally.. Then im gone.. I will go somewhere..outside of school.. If that happens... I cant have all this esculate to my parents knowing.. Things might get weird.. ( They will be like.. oh ..we cant have you driving if your sucidal..oh.. you have that knife ..give it to us..We need to go through your room..just in case) I think that would be there reaction...Anyways.. Thanks for all the help..
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#1750 - 10/25/03 09:20 AM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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In reply to:
So you think the teacher might sense/see that im overly stressed/up-set and thats why he hasnt kicked me yet?and maybe why the girl ( one i asked out) is kinda down? well not kinda..she is..
Yes, I think that both of those are possible.
In reply to:
Accept this will be really hard.. I'm not independent for that.. I hate asking for help.. I hate working with other people ( like in class..prefer to do my assiments by myself)
I can indeed see it will be really hard, FaBMX. I would find it really hard too. I also am someone who prefers to work alone. I find it much easier to help other people than to ask for help myself. It's something I struggle with too. But I'm proud that you are going to try.
I'm sorry about your dad.  You can't pick your parents, and no-one trains them, either. Most people find it not too difficult to become a parent, but to be a good parent is very different. Your parents are people like you - nothing special happens when you get old or have children.
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#1752 - 10/25/03 02:58 PM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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FaBMX
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While im washing it..he comes out there trying to play it all cool with me.. so i be a total prick..so he is probably pissed off at me..It took me like an hour.. ( got a big lifted crew cab 4x4 truck) my right calf hurts now..Another thing with him.. He LOVES to hunt.. Well he wants me to hunt..so a few years ago.. i got my lic.. and then trouble started.. He gets pissed off it i dont go hunting on all my spare time.. Like last year for deer season..I didnt really want to get a tag..but i did anyways.and my dad ended up all pissed off when i would go.. Stuff liek that..that really makes me hate him.. This year he is like i think you should get a deer tag.. it told him no..he tryed and tryed and kept sayign no.. I finally won..But stuff like that..
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#1753 - 10/25/03 10:56 PM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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He does sound like a prick. I remember you have some OCD symptoms - your father's insistence on your washing the truck, despite the weather being so bad, strikes me as OCD-like. People with OCD often feel something must be done straight away, no matter how inconvenient the time is. Perhaps he has a hunting obsession too.
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#1754 - 10/25/03 11:17 PM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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CR125
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my dad can be a prick too. he used to be a big hunter. usally deer he likes to tell about the time he took ryan. lol ryan feel asleep in the tree. lol he's ok with it that we...his sons...don't like to hunt. He stopped back when i was ..i don't know...b4 i started going to school so i was really young when he stopped and he gotr rid of his guns and hunting stuff. he has a little pistal but i'm not going there. anyway skipping along ..my dad was like do this now and do that now. and if i trey to say someting back to him he says i'm back talking and i'm not. but gr he's dad. Any way most of u know how i thought my dad never wanted me and bla bla bla but whell so i don't sound like i'm whining (how ever it's spelled) since things have happened and were all getting some help he's done started telling me he loves me and he hugs me. ok nevermind..
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#1755 - 10/25/03 11:26 PM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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It sounds like your dad has been learning, CR.
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#1756 - 10/26/03 11:18 PM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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FaBMX
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Ok..Tomorrow is a new day... I will see what happens..how i do.. etc.. I might not have school tomorrow due to the wildfire's in the area.. But i dont know..
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#1757 - 10/27/03 02:50 AM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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Good luck, FaBMX!
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#1758 - 10/27/03 12:42 PM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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Anonymous
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Hey just to let you know I know what you mean and can identify with what you're going through. Sometimes depression can present with symptoms like thoseyou are experiencing, lack of interest in things and difficulty concentrating. I've been there. PLease continue to think that tomorrow is another day, talk to people, live. Girls and stuff can be sorted out (so to speak) after you get yourself sorted out. The emptyness will pass in time.
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#1759 - 10/31/03 07:27 PM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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FaBMX
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OK! A new twist to the story.. Today that girl i asked out a few weeks ago.. ( we havnt talked since then..just been real weird) well today in class..she came up and grabbed my sunglasses and was laughing about it ( like it used to be .. i guess this is flirting).. Well WTF?! She did this.. and everythign was cool ( i liked it .. i thought it was a step in the right direction) at lunch i was talking about with some my friends.. then i just 'fell' ( not litterally) back into depression.. I have been real down since.. It weird.. Im so confused now.. I have been sucidal since she told me no.. but havnt done it.. and today im getting my 'progress report' so im prob dead..Im tired of it all. .. Im so confused.. Im just planning ways to die now.. Im not satified with life.. anything i do.. i just cant be satisfied with it.. I dont know.. I just want to know whats up with the girl? Thanks
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#1760 - 10/31/03 07:51 PM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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Sexpert
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Life is a challenge, isnt it? Well, I don't think taking your life over any of it will be an answer to your dilemma, it will only add to the pain and suffering you feel already. Plus, killing yourself over a girl? I knew a kid in highschool who did that after this female turned him down. It was not exactly "flattering" for her to know, or anyone else for that matter. People will not be pleased at your actions, especially your parents.
You should live to experience more things, things that a life in high school simply cant offer. Youve got manners, I can tell, and a good head on your shoulders, and really, that's ALL you need!!! You will go through many more hardships in life, and each one, including 'girl problems, will make you stronger. You might not believe me but its true....stick it out, dude.
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#1761 - 10/31/03 08:05 PM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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FaBMX
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The death part isnt just over this girl.. I have been like this for like a year..its just i have lost all emotions... So it dosnt bother me at all.. Thanks for the replies.. And does this mean she likes me ? or what? Thats what bugging me...
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#1762 - 10/31/03 08:07 PM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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Sexpert
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She Probably DOES, dude. But regardless, don't base your life around it, weather she does or not wont change the great person you are. Everything works itsel out, even love.
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#1763 - 10/31/03 09:31 PM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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FaBMX
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Well i went for a long walk on a cool evening..and i come back..even more confused.. Why are we here? How can we develop land that is not ours? Its Gods isnt it? I dont know.. Why is life so confusing.. What is the exact reason we are put here? I once heard someone say.. That " Good are sent to heaven, bad are sent to earth" anyone think thats true? Is this hell? or are we in the transition phase between heaven and hell? Is there really an after life? I'm not a very religous ( SP?) man..but maybe i should be? Or is it all pointless? Is it natural for teenagers to have so many questions? Maybe all my problems.. Are curve balls god ( if there really is one ) is throwing me.. If i make it through it.. I goto the next level.. If not.. well im dead.. Man..what long walks do to you..
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#1764 - 10/31/03 09:37 PM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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I think the girl does like you - perhaps she's confused too. But it's best to take a step back, if you can - there's nothing you can do with her at the moment.
Try to concentrate on the things that matter, the good things. Life is something we're hardly ever quite satisfied with, but that tends to blind us to the good things, the beauty, the good times, the progress we've made. It's hard to think, "This isn't perfect, but it's still good" - but I think it's the honest attitude to life.
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#1765 - 10/31/03 09:46 PM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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Well, I'm a Christian, FaBMX. I believe we are in a transition place - we don't stay here forever - but it's not a neutral place, it's a place that was made as good, to be a permanent home, but has been spoiled. A good place spoiled is still a place where good is obviously better than bad, even if there is a lot of bad around.
It's certainly natural for teens to have a lot of questions. I'm not sure that bad things are deliberate tests by God - but they still are a sort of test. But if life is a test we all fail it. Fortunately we are allowed to succeed anyway.
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#1767 - 11/02/03 02:44 AM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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I'm glad it was better today, FaBMX.
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#1768 - 11/03/03 01:36 PM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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Anonymous
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Hey. I'm glad things were better for you yesterday. Girls can be tricky to understand, very complex beings. You have to remember that she has stuff going on with her as well. Maybe she does like you, but it may not go beyond friendship, but who knows where friendship leads to. Just try to be a friend to her, and enjoy being in her company, if something more is ,meant to happen it will in it's own time.
As for the rest of the things you were writing about, yeah the good go to Heaven, but it's more than that, this is just what my beliefs are so not everyone will agree with them and I may not be right about everything but it's what I think. Jesus died on the cross for everyone, so in a sense we are all "saved" and are all on our way to Heaven, because of what Jesus did for us, he took all our sins and died with them for them so we could be free from them. Earth is not Hell, although it can seem like it is at times, Earth and life is a journey, living is finding out about ourselves, building relationships with others, with, our environment. God made us stewards of the Earth to take care of it, using it to sustain us and keep the earth sustained as well. Life on Earth does end, then we move on. Then you either go on to Heaven or to Hell. Simple, but I'm a Catholic so I believe in Purgatory, a transitional state between Earth and Heaven. Although we are saved by God's grace we are not perfect, so how can an imperfect being enter a perfect world, purgatory is a state where we are purified so we can enter Heaven and be in a perfect world. Hell is when we turn away from God and can't get to Heaven, to this perfectly happy place, being aware of it but never getting to it. That's just what I believe. I'm sorry this post is really long and if anybody has any other beliefs I hope mine don't offend you. It's all right to have these questions, how else do we learn? How else can we grow? It's not always easy, there will be good days and there will be days when you feel down for no apparent reason. Just know that you will get through it, don't give up, on yourself or on other people. You have it in you and don't be afraid to seek help from others. Take it one day at a time, it will work out in time.
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#1770 - 11/18/03 02:22 PM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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Anonymous
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Man it's ok to ask questions, to admit that you don't have all the answers. The history as you put it is important you are where and who you are today because of what has happened in the past. Things that have happened in the past can echo into the present and affect us. We can't ignore it, but try to learn from it, to understand the choices we made and if we made mistakes try not to make them again. Don't get too hung up on this girl and why she said no, I know it's really hard to do when you have strong feelings for someone and they don't feel the same way. Yeah you do read and hear a lot about how teenage years are for all that stuff, I didn't kiss a girl properly until I was 17, sure when I was younger like 10,11,12 I had a "girl friend" and would kiss her but it was different, it wasn't the type of relationship you have when you're older. I consider my first kiss to be when I was 17, she was my first true girlfriend, I'm 20 now, almost 21 and since I broke up with her about a year ago I haven't had a girlfriend since. It doesn't bother me, sure I would like to have a girlfriend, but that will happen in tme, don't worry about it. You will meet a girl who you will like and who will like you and it'll be good be patient. I know what it's like to feel isolated from those around you, it's like they are all in this world that you are present in but not really a part of, almost as if you're an observer, and that is hard to deal with. Yeah you want to escape and run, and yeah you're gonna have bad days, and more questions will come. Just try to get by each day as it comes, don't try to answer all the questions, some you may never find an answer to, and some will be answered in time. I think it might be helpful if you did go to see someone about how you are feeling, talking ot people on this can help, but only so much. Go to your doctor or school consellor. They will be better equipped to help you. You are right to keep bringing this up until you are totally happy that the issues or some of them have been resolved. As for sucide, please don't do it, if you must write, write to try and organize your thoughts, to find out whats going on, not as a goodbye note. The pain you will cause by ending your life is so much, I lost a friend last year and still hurt. The whole summer I just thought of the times we had together, when I went to the places we went I expected to see him there. I saw the pain his family went through, his mum and dad, his brother and sister. I was there with my friends. It will just raise more questions. Please keep trying to live, you will find happiness. I just want to give you a hug and I'll pray for you man.
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#1771 - 11/18/03 09:36 PM
Re: Ok.. Im seriously confused
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Ineligible
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Registered: 08/09/01
Posts: 15579
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I think it's good to ask questions, even when no-one knows the answers. A lot of life is like that, wrestling with stuff that is too complicated for a simple answer. The wrestling is still worth while.
And no-one is counting which posters are asking questions and which are answering them. This place is for both, and needs both.
Don't forget, life is for living. We can easily get bogged down in over-analysis, in constantly going over the past. Learning from the past is good, but we should keep our faces looking to the future. If things didn't work out last time, and we're not sure what went wrong or how to avoid it, don't let that stop you trying again. Each new person, each new relationship, is different from all the others before.
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Moderator: Amanda, Amz, cenfath, ClassyBlackWoman, Ineligible, LoveBritish, NtroducingMyself, Roc, sdp, ~AngelWitch~
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Teacher will be talking ( he lectures us on stuff 
) I will be like ahh..why dont you just shut the (f) up.. I think he has heard me.. He just stares at me..and then turns away.. like he is scared of me.. ( im not all musclur or anything.. And i would never hit a teacher unless they threatened me in a violent way) Someone was listenting to a Cd player today.. it was rap.. i hate rap..( im noramly... quiet..just bear with it not say to much) I told him that his music was (s) So.. I should get counselling? I cant even bother with my counselur ..he is such a joke.. I could get help at this ... place we got there..for all teen's problems.. Does it seem sometimes the whole thing ( in your mind) is just a big joke? that everything is a big joke and its pointless? ( almost like its not really happening?) I dont know...monday is another day.. Thanks for all the help.. I dont think i would make it day to day without this websites advise.. Thanks again 
.. Thanks 
