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#2142 - 11/21/03 04:05 PM
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Diver
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I've got the result back from my psychiatrist, and apparently I'm suffering from dysthymia... anyone got a clue what it is?
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#2144 - 11/21/03 04:20 PM
Re: question
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Diver
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well, my doc hadn't heard of it before. And no, I haven't searched the net yet, I thought I would post first to see if anyone had heard of it.
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#2145 - 11/21/03 05:22 PM
Re: question
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sexpert69
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yeah its a form of depression. without double checking, i'm pretty sure that its a chronic mild depression that keeps you in a chronic low mood but its not as acute as a major depressive disorder. dysthymia can make you feel tired constantly.
_________________________
My Dad had five penises, and you do not need to tell you, because you know for sure.
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#2146 - 11/21/03 06:35 PM
Re: question
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Diver
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so it doesn't help then that the zisprin I'm on has a mild sedative then
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#2147 - 11/21/03 06:47 PM
Re: question
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sexpert69
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i would think not... have you tried a more standard (SSRI) line of treatment for the depression?
_________________________
My Dad had five penises, and you do not need to tell you, because you know for sure.
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#2148 - 11/21/03 06:52 PM
Re: question
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Diver
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Well my doc's letting me manage the dosage I take to the way I feel, but it's mainly the getting up in the mornings to get things done... I really hate being this way still 
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#2149 - 11/21/03 07:20 PM
Re: question
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Diver
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thought this might be useful for someone...
The ICD-10 Classification of Mental and Behavioural Disorders
World Health Organization, Geneva, 1992
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F34.1 Dysthymia
A chronic depression of mood which does not currently fulfil the criteria for recurrent depressive disorder, mild or moderate severity, in terms of either severity or duration of individual episodes, although the criteria for mild depressive episode may have been fulfilled in the past, particularly at the onset of the disorder. The balance between individual phases of mild depression and intervening periods of comparative normality is very variable. Sufferers usually have periods of days or weeks when they describe themselves as well, but most of the time (often for months at a time) they feel tired and depressed; everything is an effort and nothing is enjoyed. They brood and complain, sleep badly and feel inadequate, but are usually able to cope with the basic demands of everyday life. Dysthymia therefore has much in common with the concepts of depressive neurosis and neurotic depression. If required, age of onset may be specified as early (in late teenage or the twenties) or late.
Diagnostic Guidelines
The essential feature is a very long-standing depression of mood which is never, or only very rarely, severe enough to fulfil the criteria for recurrent depressive disorder, mild or moderate severity. It usually begins early in adult life and lasts for at least several years, sometimes indefinitely. When the onset is later in life, the disorder is often the aftermath of a discrete depressive episode and associated with bereavement or other obvious stress.
Includes:
* depressive neurosis
* depressive personality disorder
* neurotic depression (with more than 2 years' duration)
* persistent anxiety depression
Excludes:
* anxiety depression (mild or not persistent)
* bereavement reaction, lasting less than 2 years (prolonged depressive reaction)
* residual schizophrenia
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#2151 - 11/21/03 07:24 PM
Re: question
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Diver
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this is so sad... it's more or less me in a nut-shell
Diagnostic Criteria
Depressed mood for most of the day, for more days than not, as indicated either by subjective account or observation by others, for at least 2 years. Note: In children and adolescents, mood can be irritable and duration must be at least 1 year.
Presence, while depressed, of two (or more) of the following:
poor appetite or overeating
insomnia or hypersomnia
low energy or fatigue
low self-esteem
poor concentration or difficulty making decisions
feelings of hopelessness
During the 2-year period (1 year for children or adolescents) of the disturbance, the person has never been without the symptoms in Criteria A and B for more than 2 months at a time.
No Major Depressive Episode has been present during the first 2 years of the disturbance (1 year for children and adolescents); i.e., the disturbance is not better accounted for by chronic Major Depressive Disorder, or Major Depressive Disorder, In Partial Remission.
Note: There may have been a previous Major Depressive Episode provided there was a full remission (no significant signs or symptoms for 2 months) before development of the Dysthymic Disorder. In addition, after the initial 2 years (1 year in children or adolescents) of Dysthymic Disorder, there may be superimposed episodes of Major Depressive Disorder, in which case both diagnoses may be given when the criteria are met for a Major Depressive Episode.
There has never been a Manic Episode, a Mixed Episode, or a Hypomanic Episode, and criteria have never been met for Cyclothymic Disorder.
The disturbance does not occur exclusively during the course of a chronic Psychotic Disorder, such as Schizophrenia or Delusional Disorder.
The symptoms are not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication) or a general medical condition (e.g., hypothyroidism).
The symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
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Criteria For Mood Episodes
Major Depressive Episode
Five (or more) of the following symptoms have been present during the same 2-week period and represent a change from previous functioning; at least one of the symptoms is either (1) depressed mood or (2) loss of interest or pleasure.
Note: Do not include symptoms that are clearly due to a general medical condition, or mood-incongruent delusions or hallucinations.
depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, as indicated by either subjective report (e.g., feels sad or empty) or observation made by others (e.g., appears tearful). Note: In children and adolescents, can be irritable mood.
markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day (as indicated by either subjective account or observation made by others)
significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain (e.g., a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month), or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day. Note: In children, consider failure to make expected weight gains.
insomnia or hypersomnia nearly every day
psychomotor agitation or retardation nearly every day (observable by others, not merely subjective feelings of restlessness or being slowed down)
fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day
feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt (which may be delusional) nearly every day (not merely self-reproach or guilt about being sick)
diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day (either by subjective account or as observed by others)
recurrent thoughts of death (not just fear of dying), recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide
The symptoms do not meet criteria for a Mixed Episode
The symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
The symptoms are not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication) or a general medical condition (e.g., hypothyroidism).
The symptoms are not better accounted for by Bereavement, i.e., after the loss of a loved one, the symptoms persist for longer than 2 months or are characterized by marked functional impairment, morbid preoccupation with worthlessness, suicidal ideation, psychotic symptoms, or psychomotor retardation.
Manic Episode
A distinct period of abnormally and persistently elevated, expansive, or irritable mood, lasting at least 1 week (or any duration if hospitalization is necessary).
During the period of mood disturbance, three (or more) of the following symptoms have persisted (four if the mood is only irritable) and have been present to a significant degree:
inflated self-esteem or grandiosity
decreased need for sleep (e.g., feels rested after only 3 hours of sleep)
more talkative than usual or pressure to keep talking
flight of ideas or subjective experience that thoughts are racing
distractibility (i.e., attention too easily drawn to unimportant or irrelevant external stimuli)
increase in goal-directed activity (either socially, at work or school, or sexually) or psychomotor agitation
excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that have a high potential for painful consequences (e.g., engaging in unrestrained buying sprees, sexual indiscretions, or foolish business investments)
The symptoms do not meet criteria for a Mixed Episode
The mood disturbance is sufficiently severe to cause marked impairment in occupational functioning or in usual social activities or relationships with others, or to necessitate hospitalization to prevent harm to self or others, or there are psychotic features.
The symptoms are not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication, or other treatment) or a general medical condition (e.g., hyperthyroidism).
Mixed Episode
The criteria are met both for a Manic Episode and for a Major Depressive Episode (except for duration) nearly every day during at least a 1-week period.
The mood disturbance is sufficiently severe to cause marked impairment in occupational functioning or in usual social activities or relationships with others, or to necessitate hospitalization to prevent harm to self or others, or there are psychotic features.
The symptoms are not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication, or other treatment) or a general medical condition (e.g., hyperthyroidism).
Hypomanic Episode
A distinct period of persistently elevated, expansive, or irritable mood, lasting throughout at least 4 days, that is clearly different from the usual nondepressed mood.
During the period of mood disturbance, three (or more) of the following symptoms have persisted (four if the mood is only irritable) and have been present to a significant degree:
inflated self-esteem or grandiosity
decreased need for sleep (e.g., feels rested after only 3 hours of sleep)
more talkative than usual or pressure to keep talking
flight of ideas or subjective experience that thoughts are racing
distractibility (i.e., attention too easily drawn to unimportant or irrelevant external stimuli)
increase in goal-directed activity (either socially, at work or school, or sexually) or psychomotor agitation
excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that have a high potential for painful consequences (e.g., the person engages in unrestrained buying sprees, sexual indiscretions, or foolish business investments)
The episode is associated with an unequivocal change in functioning that is uncharacteristic of the person when not symptomatic.
The disturbance in mood and the change in functioning are observable by others.
The episode is not severe enough to cause marked impairment in social or occupational functioning, or to necessitate hospitalization, and there are no psychotic features.
The symptoms are not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication, or other treatment) or a general medical condition (e.g., hyperthyroidism).
Note: Hypomanic-like episodes that are clearly caused by somatic antidepressant treatment (e.g., medication, electroconvulsive therapy, light therapy) should not count toward a diagnosis of Bipolar II Disorder.
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Differential Diagnosis
Psychiatric
Manic, Mixed, or Hypomanic Episode; Mood Disorder Due to a General Medical Condition; Substance-Induced Mood Disorder; Schizoaffective Disorder; Schizophrenia; Delusional Disorder; Psychotic Disorder Not Otherwise Specified; dementia; Major Depressive Disorder; chronic Psychotic Disorders; coexisting personality disturbance.
Medical
Organic Mood Syndromes caused by: Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS), Adrenal (Cushing's or Addison's Diseases), Cancer (especially pancreatic and other GI), Cardiopulmonary disease, Dementias (including Alzheimer's Disease); Epilepsy, Fahr's Syndrome, Huntington's Disease, Hydrocephalus, Hyperaldosteronism, Infections (including HIV and neurosyphilis), Migraines, Mononucleosis, Multiple Sclerosis, Narcolepsy, Neoplasms, Parathyroid Disorders (hyper- and hypo-), Parkinson's Disease, Pneumonia (viral and bacterial), Porphyria, Postpartum, Premenstrual Syndrome, Progressive Supranuclear Palsy, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Sjogren's Arteritis, Sleep Apnea, Stroke, Systemic Lupus Erythematosus, Temporal Arteritis, Trauma, Thyroid Disorders (hypothyroid and "apathetic" hyperthyroidism), Tuberculosis, Uremia (and other renal diseases), Vitamin Deficiencies (B12, C, folate, niacin, thiamine), Wilson's Disease.
Drugs
Acetazolamine, Alphamethyldopa, Amantadine, Amphetamines, Ampicillin, Azathioprine (AZT), 6-Azauridine, Baclofen, Beta Blockers, Bethanidine, Bleomycin, Bromocriptine, C-Asparaginase, Carbamazepine, Choline, Cimetidine, Clonidine, Clycloserin, Cocaine, Corticosteroids (including ACTH), Cyproheptadine, Danazol, Digitalis, Diphenoxylate, Disulfiram, Ethionamide, Fenfluramine, Griseofulvin, Guanethidine, Hydralazine, Ibuprofen, Indomethacin, Lidocaine, Levodopa, Methoserpidine, Methysergide, Metronidazole, Nalidixic Acid, Neuroleptics (butyrophenones, phenothiazines, oxyindoles), Nitrofurantoin, Opiates, Oral Contraceptives, Phenacetin, Phenytoin, Prazosin, Prednisone, Procainamide, Procyclidine, Quanabenzacetate, Rescinnamine, Reserpine, Sedative/Hypnotics (barbiturates, benzodiazepines, chloral hydrate), Streptomycin, Sulfamethoxazole, Sulfonamides, Tetrabenazine, Tetracycline, Triamcinolone, Trimethoprim, Veratrum, Vincristine.
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#2152 - 11/21/03 07:31 PM
Re: question
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Diver
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Thanks Craig, but for what I've found so far, it's more or less me in a nut shell... personally I think that the title of "anxiety and depression with the intent of self harming / suicide" was better.
I suppose the “label” is only nice in the fact I can put something other than “depression” on my sick certificates and for my insurance.
The things that I’ve found since being off sick, is how many people I have actually helped in the past, and that it “seems” to be hurting them more, with the fact I never went to them to talk to, when I was so readily available for them. But then I find it’s a vicious circle, cuz I feel bad now for not going to them… does that make sense?
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#2153 - 11/21/03 07:54 PM
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CR125
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In reply to:
suppose the “label” is only nice in the fact I can put something other than “depression” on my sick certificates and for my insurance.
yeah. i agree with u didver dude. but all docs don't think sthe same. i'm like freaking confused but. i denie i have any disorders. lol
In reply to:
The things that I’ve found since being off sick, is how many people I have actually helped in the past, and that it “seems” to be hurting them more, with the fact I never went to them to talk to, when I was so readily available for them. But then I find it’s a vicious circle, cuz I feel bad now for not going to them… does that make sense?[/
i know wy you didn't want to tell me at 1st. yeah i worry (pete knows about all that) but i want to help u too.
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#2154 - 11/21/03 07:55 PM
Re: question
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Craig
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Hi Diver!! 
You said, ".....but for what I've found so far, it's more or less me in a nut shell.
You know something - IT would describe MOST people in a nut shell. Most people are struggling with SOME emotional and/or mental problem.
It's always important to keep in mind that there is no way to tell what's going on inside of someone else - just by looking at them. Take me for instance. I'm a big, tall, strong 40 year old man who appears confident and secure - always ready with a smile, a pat on the back and has a seemingly endless supply of encouraging words. Yet really - I'm constantly fighting back anxiety and panic attacks and often terrified that my bowels are going to explode - without warning - humiliating me to death. I find it nearly impossible to make appointments because all I do to is worry about whether or not I'll be 'ok' by the time I'm supposed to be 'there'. The worry alone causes me to be sick to my stomach and I [more often than not] end up canceling 'things'. As a result - I have no one in my life because I can't take the chance that 'they' will ask me to meet them somewhere and do something with them. [like go to a movie - or whatever] It's very sad - when I think about it.
Labels are fine [for the most part] on insurance forms or whatever. But just be careful - as I said - NOT to allow a label to decide FOR you how you think and feel. [I hope that makes sense]
You said, "The things that I’ve found since being off sick, is how many people I have actually helped in the past, and that it “seems” to be hurting them more, with the fact I never went to them to talk to, when I was so readily available for them. But then I find it’s a vicious circle, cuz I feel bad now for not going to them… does that make sense?
I understand. I've often [unintentionally] hurt people because I didn't live up to their expectations by going that extra mile [so to speak] to actually SEE them in person. [and to help them in a more direct, personal way] But like you - I did the best I could. I can't do more than that - and neither can you. And when you think about it - if we didn't have some major hurdles or overcome in our lives - we wouldn't have been nearly as empathetic and compassionate as we have been. [and continue to be] A vicious circle indeed. But we must keep in mind that even TRYING to help [and failing - if that's the case] is better than not trying at all.
[I know what I'm trying say - do YOU know what I'm trying to say?! lol]
GREAT BIG HUG
Craig!!
_________________________
"It takes FAR MORE COURAGE to be KIND than it does to be CRUEL" - CanadaCraig
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#2155 - 11/21/03 08:11 PM
Re: question
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Diver
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It's not so much that I "have" to live up to people’s expectations or that people expect high things from me "all" the time. But that most people don't "let" me fail at things and if I do, people around me make excuses for the reason why and I never find the real reason why I would have "failed" at it. But it's when I do fall flat on my face with something it hurts... I'm not saying that I've been wrapped in cotton wool all my life, I've had to work hard for the things I've got.
It just annoys and hurts me so much that I've always been able to pick my self up and carry on, but this time... I just can't do it anymore.
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#2157 - 11/21/03 10:14 PM
Re: question
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Ineligible
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One useful thing about a label is that it makes other people much more sympathetic. If they see you having trouble doing things, or short of energy, or moody, or lacking in enthusiasm, or anything atypical, they tell you to pull yourself together; but if you tell them you have (some medical term) they say how sorry they are and what can they do for you. When your symptoms don't have a name attached, it's assumed to be under your control and therefore your fault; when they are named, it's something awful that has happened to you that of course is not your fault. It's just the way people are.
Thanks for telling us that about yourself, Craig. I never knew you suffered from such disabling anxiety disorders. I suspect it's true that the people who have struggled with pain in their own lives become the most helpful to others. It seems right that we should all help each other, not out of fake strength, but in our weakness. Don't forget, though, that we need to be supporting ourselves, too.
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#2158 - 11/21/03 10:28 PM
Re: question
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django
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Hi Diver,
Wait a second big chief! Before you throw in the white towel (slang for quitting) I'd like to chip in with some advice. But there's some things I'm a little unsure about.
First, I am alarmed that a physician sent you home with a label without explainging the implications of its diagnosis as well as its impact on treatment course.
Second, I can see you have done some homework by perusing psych diagnostic literature. I'm good that you are taking an active approach in your health. But I would strongly discourage against making "self- diagnosis." First of all that manual is intended for specialists for several good reasons. As many in the field will attest, these manuals derive their criteria from empirical research. Although many of the cirteria are reliable and valid observations, a number of factors are involded in applying a diagnostic category to an individual. Irrespective of the details the multitude of factors are so overwhelming that it is simply beyond the human ability to keep up with all the factors at once.
So what I would want to know how did you get your diagnosis? What questionnaires (by your post I would expect three at least) were given to you? Were any members of your family interviewed? What is their medical history?
Also, are you on medication? Is pharmocolgical therapy the ONLY intervention being given to you?
What is this about your alleged dependency on others? In what specific ways have others enabled you? Then consider whether you are making a fair assessment of yourself. Is it possible your memory is being selective? I don't know you, but I have a strong feeling you could be under the influence of a negative bias.
I have just presented a lot of questions. Every one of them is relevant for consideration.
Lastly, Craig is right about one thing. Diagnostic labels are just that. They are labels. When someone introduces himself to me as a manic-depressive I am quick to sanp back that that means nothing to me. That is just a description of behaviors. Would you consider yourself a constellation of depressive behaviors? Your answer is pertinent for your diagnosis. But you would not find this in the DSM or ICD!!
Best
Django
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#2159 - 11/22/03 10:05 AM
Re: question
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Diver
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The Doc didn’t tell me anything about the “condition” because he himself had never heard of it, and him knowing the people that I know was happy to leave it in my hands to find out what it means (as long as I e-mailed him what I’d found out lol).
The drug I’m taking is called Zispin (Mirtazapine), I’m currently taking 30mg a day, but can up that to either 45mg or 60mg a day. Because my Doc knows me out of the surgery he is happy for me to control the dosage as I see fit, as long as I don’t go over the 60mg.
I’m not going to go into too many details cuz this is after all the Internet but I will give you a base line history of myself.
When I was twelve I was accused of something, it was kept in the family but it has torn most of the family apart, it was something that I didn’t do, although no one believed me and if they did, it was never voiced to me. During the same year I also suffered a very bad back injury, which took me out of almost all schooling activities until I was 16. When I turned 14, what happened came back to haunt me, where some people at school were told about what I had apparently done, it was knocked on the head quickly by the teachers, but it left me scared to go back. During this time I was making myself sick (fingers down my throat), complaining of abdominal pains and “playing” a lot more on the back injury… basically anything I could do to get out of school I did.
It was also around that age where I saw a program on self-harming, a few months later “something” got in to my head to do it. Looking back now I honestly can’t remember what it was or even why I did it. Usually I would get a knife and make a single cut either to my hips or somewhere on my legs… something that I could usually put down to being “scratched by the cat”. I went along doing it on and off, when I felt/feel low “something” gets into my head that says “I can take this away and can make all these thoughts disappear”, and then I’m trying to fight that voice but, it’s just like it’s the calm voice speaking out of kayos… anyway I’m digressing, so I’ll carry on typing for a bit.
When I turned 16 I left school almost immediately and started full time work, it was also the same time when I started getting out a lot more and started meeting people. I lost my virginity to one of my mothers friends (seduced I think would be a better way of putting it), then got hooked up with “girlfriend”, the relationship lasted only a few months but it broke up by myself finding her sleeping with a friend. Not long after she split with him and then went to the police saying that I “date-raped” her. On the night in question when it apparently happened, we were both drunk, I helped her upstairs to her room and then went back down and slept on the sofa for the night, HER parents backed me up and even said that she was lying cuz they heard me knock the small table over helping her in the room and then seconds later tripping over it leaving. The case was dropped and nothing was held on me (or recorded).
When I turned 17, I started dating another girl, this relationship lasted around 6 months, it ended because we just drifted apart, but when it was really over she started to get nasty. I received an sms text message saying that she was pregnant. I phoned her parents up as she wouldn’t answer my calls and asked them (I’m still good friends with them now) what was going on, to my surprise they didn’t know anything about it, and a few hours after I received a phone call from Rob (her father) saying that he had marched her down to the local health centre for a pregnancy test which proved negative. Neither of the above incidents my parents knew about.
This is also a point where I need to go back a bit, and lol looking back now I was contradicting myself with being off school so much, when I was around 14/15 I joined the local swimming club (mainly to loose a lot of weight), I started competition swimming, but when I turned 16 I left, mainly due to working hours, but I still kept up with going swimming as and when I could, it was also during this time I met a lady called Lynne, we started meeting up at certain times to go swimming and we formed a “close relationship” where we would talk to each other about things going on, she being a lot older than me (around 40 when we met). It wasn’t long after I broke up with the girl that said she was pregnant, that the relationship turned in to a little more that “just friends”. Because of her age and the type of job she’s got, we kept our “thing” between ourselves. When I turned 18 it was her that “pushed” me in to starting to learn to dive (she’s also a member of the club I belong to). She’s also got a son who I am very close to, and who I treat as if he was my own, she’s single as well, so I didn’t have any moral problems with what we were doing.
I need to skip forward a bit now.
About 4/5 years ago, I found my mother “messing” about with another man (who happened to be a friend), to cut a long story short, I pulled my shotgun out on him (unloaded) and more of less told him to piss off. A few months later I noticed that something odd was going on with her again and quietly warned her that I would “make sure the gun was loaded next time”. Later that year I finished work early and came home, the night before I hadn’t had time to put all the washing away and left it in their room, so up I went, walked in and what did I happen to see… someone in my parents bed that shouldn’t have been there. I attacked him with a crowbar (jimmy I think you call it in the US), no physical injury was occurred (I missed him by a quarter of an inch), but it did not deter him. There relationship carried on behind my fathers back for almost 2 years before he found out.
Just so your aware, my father works at sea doing a two-week on and two-week off roster system.
Each time I self harmed with, but it’s something that I had always managed to take control of myself.
When they divorced I stayed with my father, I still keep in contact with my mum and am trying to form a “relationship” with her boyfriend for her sake mainly.
My relationship with Lynne continued but once mother left home I had to start depending on myself more for finances, Lynne started giving me money once each month to “help me out”. At the end of 2001 she helped me clear my credit cards and paid them all off, a few weeks later she asked if there was anything else she could help with, and I foolishly asked that I needed a little money to carry me over till next pay day. She then went in to one saying how much she had given me that year, from then on before I have sex with her, she always asks “if I need anything”, knowing full well that I can’t afford to live on the wages I receive from work, then after we have sex she make he “hunt” for the money that she has put somewhere in i.e. the kitchen, bedroom.
I’ve had a lot of knock backs from work over the last few years that haven’t helped, but since doing the ambulance work, it gave me a sense of doing something that I enjoyed for once, and something that I feel right doing, yes people “expect” a lot from me doing it, and the two knock backs I’ve had this year have really hit me hard, but I know in my heart that it is something that I was born to do.
I count on friends (and it takes me a lot to call someone a friend as I don’t use the term loosely) as if they were my family, as girl at the local ambulance station called on my help 3 months ago, to help with a cardiac arrest to a patient that had fallen down the stairs and literally crushed his skull, there was no help for him really but it was mainly the usual work you have to do because of family being about. She left me of 10 min’s while she phone to see where the other backup was. During this time I was left on my own, doing the chest compressions I was pumping the stomach contents up and use the suction device to help clear the airway (neither her or I can use e-t tubes, only oro/naso-pharyngeal airways), to which she came in just as I finished using the suction. It was a few weeks later I heard from someone “up-top” that a formal complaint had gone in about me from her, about me using equipment I’m not allowed/trained to use. She was someone that I classed as a friend, also someone who I have helped out money wise on occasions.
Well there is more or less most of the crap I’ve been through; I’ve had to more or less look after myself since the age of 13 (when mother started work again). I’m not looking for sympathy, I hate it when people do that as I KNOW there are people worse off than myself, I’m not even saying that it has help typing all this down, cuz all it’s done it bring back the thoughts I’m trying to push away again, but I hope it helps to understand some of the things I’ve been through.
I’m more pissed at myself than I am with any other person, I’ve ALWAYS managed to pick my self up when I’ve felt low, I’ve always managed to stop cutting myself (as I type this it’s been 8 day’s since I last did).
The panic attacks I get, to me feel like I’m having a heart attack (I’m able to get a 12-lead ECG when I want and have checked and I’m all clear) or as if I’m going into SVT (supraventricular tachycardia), to which I’ve passed out a few times. If I don’t get enough time to psyche myself up for things that I know are going to happen, I can guarantee that I will have an attack, things that happen though on the spur of the moment, I really don’t have a problem with though, for instance if I get called out, I can just dash out and run, do the job and come back home again.
As I said, I’m not looking for a label, I don’t like the idea of labelling myself for anyone, it’s just “nice” as Pete said, that I can put a name to the way I’m feeling instead of people saying “why not do this? Why you like that, you’re the last person I would have thought would be feeling down!” and to top it off I get really pissed when people keep saying “look on the bright side” and “why didn’t you come to me?”. I’ve always fucking dealt with this in the past, all I want to know is why I can’t now.
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#2160 - 11/22/03 01:02 PM
Re: question
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CR125
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In reply to:
I’ve always managed to stop cutting myself (as I type this it’s been 8 day’s since I last did).
YAY! YAY!! YAY!!!! i'm proud of you buddy! and u know what else i say, but inot here.
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#2161 - 11/22/03 01:09 PM
Re: question
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Diver
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In reply to:
So what I would want to know how did you get your diagnosis? What questionnaires (by your post I would expect three at least) were given to you? Were any members of your family interviewed? What is their medical history?
I went to see a Mental Health Psychiatrist (unfortunately on the NHS), he didn't really "ask" me any questions more like tried to guide me to talk about the chief "complaints" as above. No one in my family was interviewed, nor is there any known mental health issues in my family (although I personally think that my father has obsessive compulsive disorder by the way he acts with things.
In reply to:
But I would strongly discourage against making "self- diagnosis."
lol I never self-diagnose, the only time I treat “myself” with drug therapy is when my back/shoulder plays up or when I’ve “just got a cold”. With the things that I do, I know the dangers of self-diagnoses and treatment. A little knowledge is not a good thing and if I only know a little, I either don’t do it or learn more so I have more knowledge can confidence in what I’m doing.
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#2162 - 11/22/03 02:13 PM
Re: question
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django
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Hello Diver,
OK this is very interesting Diver. You were forthcoming in providing an explanation about certain elements of your past that you feel are somehow connected to Dysthymic Disorder. From my perspective it sounds like its difficult to trust people. As a matter of fact you told me that you are very selective of your friends.
So I i'd like to give you my opinion, but I will need your permission first. Is it fine with you if I tell you what I think?
Best
Django
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#2163 - 11/22/03 02:31 PM
Re: question
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Diver
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django, I'm always willing to lissen to people explinations about things if people have something constructive to say.
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#2164 - 11/22/03 02:37 PM
Re: question
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Diver
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I also think that if I'm forthcoming with things that have happened, maybe it will help someone else too.
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#2165 - 11/23/03 02:31 AM
Re: question
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Ineligible
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Thank you for posting all that, Diver. It has been a big eye-opener, how difficult and complex your life has been. With such complexities in your life, it is only to be expected that your moods will also be complex.
Again, thank you.
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#2166 - 11/23/03 02:37 AM
Re: question
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stupid_man
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Its kinda late and i couldn't read through everything but i think i understood. I might have been oblivious to the obvious but i didn't really know any of this about you. Always seemed to come off as a really happy guy, maybe that was fake and trying to live up to something. Either way the first thing you gotta do is be true to urself and true to urself with others. Hiding anything will make it worse. And as Craig said don't let a "label" be u easy way of acceptance, fight this label. Don't be in denial and embrass everything about u, but strive against it so it won't be something with you. Sure it may always linger, but from what i'm seen you are a very strong and great person so we all know you can get passed this!
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#2167 - 11/23/03 09:44 AM
Re: question
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Diver
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In reply to:
From my perspective it sounds like its difficult to trust people. As a matter of fact you told me that you are very selective of your friends.
Yes I would say that I am VERY selective in people who I call a friend, with hobbies that I have though, I wouldn't say that I find it hard to trust people, if anything I'm totally the opposite, I will allow myself to trust someone, but if that trust is broken (even if only once), I find it VERY hard to be able to trust that person again.
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#2168 - 11/23/03 09:53 AM
Re: question
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Diver
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In reply to:
Thank you for posting all that, Diver. It has been a big eye-opener, how difficult and complex your life has been. With such complexities in your life, it is only to be expected that your moods will also be complex.
After reading this again today, it's making me feel as if I'm coming out "smelling of roses". I don't know where I'm going with this, but there are a lot of things in my past I'm not proud of, things that I've done, not done and have been accused of. The things I've done and not done, I can live with, I know in my heart that these things have made me the person I am today, and that these things had "closure" at some point. But it's the things I've been accused of, when the "family" comes down my way and we meet up, it's just like I can see them looking at me, and them "wondering" if it's true or not.
It's this thing in my past that can't be brought up, as far as my family are concerned, the family has been "split" and can't be repaired. My father knows now that this has been bothering me and when EVERYTHING started to come out in to the open, "he" told me that others in the family "know" I didn't do it... it's just a shame looking back now that no one told me that.
I suppose one of the other things that has happened more recently over the last few years, is that I’ve started doubting myself with the past. I mean I know I didn’t do what I was accused of, but with having no one actually talk to me about it (until recently) my mind is sorta like trying to make me believe that I did (does that make sense?)
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#2169 - 11/23/03 10:04 AM
Re: question
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Diver
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In reply to:
I might have been oblivious to the obvious but i didn't really know any of this about you. Always seemed to come off as a really happy guy, maybe that was fake and trying to live up to something.
Tony, up until a month and a half ago, no one really knew any of this about me. The only people that know (except family and the nut nut doc) are four of my closest friends and these people I would/have put my life on the line for. Generally most of the time (when I’m not feeling down) I am “happy”, the Internet helps a lot with that cuz I “can” be the person I want to be… that and it’s easier to “sound happy” online than it is to “sound unhappy”.
Most people forget though that my fulltime and voluntary job is very much an “in your face job”, where confidence is “shown” by being “happy and go lucky”.
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#2170 - 11/24/03 12:11 AM
Re: question
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Ineligible
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In reply to:
I mean I know I didn’t do what I was accused of, but with having no one actually talk to me about it (until recently) my mind is sorta like trying to make me believe that I did (does that make sense?)
It makes perfect sense. When so many people around make assumptions, we tend to feel that they must be true, even when we know they're not.
Of course you're far from perfect, like we all are. We have all done things we are very ashamed of. But I'm still proud to know you.
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#2171 - 11/24/03 12:27 AM
Re: question
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CR125
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In reply to:
I'm still proud to know you.
I 2nd that load and clear!
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#2172 - 11/24/03 01:50 PM
Re: question
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Anonymous
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Hey man I know what you mean. It's susprisingly easy to pretend to be happy when you need to, I'm the same putting on a mask, a false smile. It's so hard to though to do that when underneath you just want to forget about everything, to just collapse and not worry about all the things you have going on. I just want to shout out sometimes, but have to restrain myself for the pretense. I'm the same when it comes to friends,I know a lot of people but don't have a lot of true friends. Man it has to get better, it will get better.
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#2173 - 11/24/03 03:01 PM
Re: question
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django
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Hi Diver,
Sorry to get back so late. Been busy with some papers. It seems to me that you have alot of issues you have been contending with for a long time. You may be able to put up a personable front in the presence of others, but do to so I think you have repressed yourself. This means that it all festers up inside of you. Sorry to get all psychodynamic but its the easiest way to explain it.
Its hard for me to estimate the full scope of your dilemma or even how it came to a head. But I really believe that you should seek out a professional counselor, and not just someone who whips out the prescription pad with alacrity.
My reasoning is this:
1. You have tried the pharmacological route for awhile now, and although it helps it still is not curing the problem. You want to cure your problems right?
2. A psychological evaluation will tease out the origin and maintenance factors. Thats going to take a few hours considering the chronic nature of Dysthymia.
3. The people who are treating you now, with all due respect, might not be the foremost experts in this field. I know this because EVERYONE in the Psych field knows about Dysthymia. Its not some reare disorder. Its quite prevalent as a matter of fact, but I don't have the stats right in front of me right now.
4. Final reason is that its a shame that you can't seem to get this treated and that you've had to battle these demons for so long. We all have our inner demons we battle, but when it gets to the point of appealing to help on the internet you know its time to take action. So please take action! I know that at the very least your improvement will be much more evident than what you are doing now.
I think the only two pathological conditions that are near impossible to treat are alcoholism and cheating spouses.
Best of luck to you chief! My prayers are with you.
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#2174 - 11/25/03 11:41 AM
Re: question
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Diver
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In reply to:
and not just someone who whips out the prescription pad with alacrity.
My Doc isn’t that bad, and we have spoken about the pro’s and con’s of changing the medication that I’m on, to something different, and I’m fully aware that when I’m having a “happy day”, that it is only due to the drugs and not necessarily a good day in my head.
In reply to:
1. You have tried the pharmacological route for awhile now, and although it helps it still is not curing the problem. You want to cure your problems right?
Yes I do.
In reply to:
2. A psychological evaluation will tease out the origin and maintenance factors. Thats going to take a few hours considering the chronic nature of Dysthymia.
See, this is more or less what I was expecting when I first went to see the psychiatrist, and then have like an “action plan” on what “we” were going to do, to start getting things better. Instead all I got was some Pakistani wanker that was literally clock watching throughout the whole interview. You see, I’m really sad… one of my hobbies is “body language”, I do it even without thinking about it anymore, and when “I go to someone (for a change)”, it would have been nice to have someone listen to me.
In reply to:
3. The people who are treating you now, with all due respect, might not be the foremost experts in this field. I know this because EVERYONE in the Psych field knows about Dysthymia. Its not some reare disorder. Its quite prevalent as a matter of fact, but I don't have the stats right in front of me right now.
I’m currently looking for someone to see private. I feel TOTALLY let down by our NHS in this matter. This is something that I want to start getting right in my head. I just feel that when I finally start to open up about things and when I needed the NHS the most, they can’t deliver the goods.
In reply to:
4. Final reason is that its a shame that you can't seem to get this treated and that you've had to battle these demons for so long. We all have our inner demons we battle, but when it gets to the point of appealing to help on the internet you know its time to take action. So please take action! I know that at the very least your improvement will be much more evident than what you are doing now.
More or less what I said above. The only thing I would like to add, is that I didn’t post this on the board so much for help for myself, if I had the choice again, I wouldn’t have done it here. But I only hope that in myself doing this and then someone reads it, maybe they would get the courage to do the same. That and I felt it would be more beneficial to people like yourself in offering any form of advice, as you have given.
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Sorry I've never heard of that. Did he give you any info on it or is there any on the internet? 
