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#307286 - 02/08/08 11:43 PM
The End
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bobalicious
*property of AngelWitch*
Registered: 12/25/04
Posts: 7669
Loc: Ireland
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The only feeling that I can express is my undying need to express my feelings.
What a ridiculous paradox to be stuck in every day of your life. Contained inside my head is the biggest mess that I could possibly imagine and the only common quality of each individual, insignificant thought is they are all a result of my absolute boredom with life.
I have honestly lost any sense of my grip to the mortal coil. I need not what this world offers as it offers nothing but shit. My mind will find more peace demolished and splattered on a busy road than in any of my past experiences.
And what is my response to these feelings, these thoughts, these ludicrous, laughable, lethargic, mind-ripping assaults on my daily life? Nothing, of course. What could I do? Join the ever-increasing legion of life-takers? Nah, been down that road, its just not my thing.
It still seems like the ideal solution, though. To quit, to just stop doing the same things day in, day out. To leave the mundane, the uninteresting and the tedious, unvaried, tiresome excuse that is life. Movies, television and music have lied to me my entire life, there is no adventure. Love, supposedly, is an adventure and my life is not without love. My parents love me, my friends love me, my girlfriend loves me... but I cannot say the same about them. And this is not to say that I don't love them, maybe I do, my worry is that I do not know if I am even capable of loving.
How does it feel to love? To be in love? "When you're in love, you just know." The line excreted by the fanciful world of popular culture. What if I don't know? Is it possible that I've gone 20 years without ever loving a single human being? I know attraction, raw animal lust, a basic instinct. But when does the love kick in?
Well, the end of the rant has been reached. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. If you've reached this far then you are obviously as nuts as I am. I bid you a good night and a good life, as tonight, I am no more.
_________________________
Beware of the Cult!
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#307290 - 02/09/08 12:02 AM
Re: The End
[Re: bobalicious]
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A.W.
Rootbeer Boy
Rootbeer Member
Registered: 07/05/05
Posts: 1683
Loc: The Bay Area/NorCal, U.S.
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Hey Bob, long time no see. I'm sorry to hear that things aren't going so well for you man. Just hang in there as best as you can.
_________________________
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".
"No hate in '08"
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#307291 - 02/09/08 12:11 AM
Re: The End
[Re: bobalicious]
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Virtual_Star
A2A Shining Star
Registered: 01/28/07
Posts: 2132
Loc: ☆ So. California
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We've missed you Bob! 
I wish I could say something that would help, but I can't find the right words. You're one of the most intelligent fellows I've come across here, with a good side of sarcasm. I believe you have a lot to offer to the world, so don't give up.
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#307315 - 02/09/08 06:07 AM
Re: The End
[Re: bobalicious]
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Anothermember
Registered: 04/08/07
Posts: 55
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If i was you. . . Just leave the love, do what you want, when you want to. Don't feel restricted by this need to love, it will come when you find inner peace, it is so hard to love and feel loved when you aren't happy with who you are or what your doing. By the sounds of it, you are a well known member, and i have probably got completely the wrong end of this stick, but just live life to what you want it to be, and when you find your own happiness, love will follow.
:]
_________________________
"If you play the field, wear a shield, ;)"
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#307332 - 02/09/08 12:40 PM
Re: The End
[Re: bobalicious]
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Sexpert
longstanding member
Registered: 01/16/03
Posts: 3938
Loc: sAN dIEGO, cA
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Farewell, o thou ever so dramatic one.
Welcome to the truth.
This world is a lie.
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#307352 - 02/09/08 05:12 PM
Re: The End
[Re: bobalicious]
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Ineligible
Administrator
Registered: 08/09/01
Posts: 12821
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It sounds like depression, bob.
Whether life is an adventure or a boring meaninglessness depends on how you look at it, rather than what it actually is. Depression makes you look at everything through dark grey glasses.
Try to do some new things. If you can, travel.
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#307583 - 02/11/08 12:33 PM
Re: The End
[Re: bobalicious]
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DxLISHxISx_43
Delicious Member
Registered: 09/29/04
Posts: 2520
Loc: Cleveland
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I bid you a good night and a good life, as tonight, I am no more.
Wait, what does that mean Bob?
I was just telling SteveA a week or so ago how good you were doing....what happened hunny?
_________________________
~I tried to be good, but then I got bored~
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#307612 - 02/11/08 02:47 PM
Re: The End
[Re: DxLISHxISx_43]
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bobalicious
*property of AngelWitch*
Registered: 12/25/04
Posts: 7669
Loc: Ireland
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Tis only a metaphor.
Sexpert: You're a lovely guy, but blow me.
_________________________
Beware of the Cult!
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#307616 - 02/11/08 03:04 PM
Re: The End
[Re: bobalicious]
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OldFolks
Tall and sexy member
Registered: 10/04/05
Posts: 2434
Loc: Just Beyond the Reach of Light
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I've been feeling the same as you lately, just not with regard to love, more about boredom and wanting and... I don't have the mental fortitude to talk about it now... it's not been a good past few days.
So, I'm giving myself over to hate, as I often do, 'till some distracting fancy momentary steals my attention from that, that I cannot deal with.
_________________________
There is no punishment. There is no reward. There are only consequences.
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#307617 - 02/11/08 03:08 PM
Re: The End
[Re: bobalicious]
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Grvtykllr
Magnificent Mountaineering Member
Registered: 10/18/05
Posts: 6286
Loc: Any Vertical plane I can find
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Bobbo!
Ya know I keep meaning to get high and write you a long email, but it seems when I get high I get distracted and normally end up baking cookies or just watching tv and fucking like rabid minx! I am glad to see your little Irish ass back though, and will at some point get around to writing you an email.
_________________________
Let's agree to respect each others views, no matter how wrong yours may be.
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#307618 - 02/11/08 03:08 PM
Re: The End
[Re: OldFolks]
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bobalicious
*property of AngelWitch*
Registered: 12/25/04
Posts: 7669
Loc: Ireland
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Love was merely an example, seemed like a common one that most could identify with.
_________________________
Beware of the Cult!
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#307619 - 02/11/08 03:19 PM
Re: The End
[Re: bobalicious]
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Grvtykllr
Magnificent Mountaineering Member
Registered: 10/18/05
Posts: 6286
Loc: Any Vertical plane I can find
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bobbo ya got my hello in another reply so this one is about you instead of to you.
20 years with out ever hainv loved anyone?
100% possible. outsid eof family and my kids I did it for over 30 years. I consider myself lucky to have julie, shes the first one i think i ever really loved. there was one that got to me before julie, fucked me up for a couple of year, but looing back I dont think i loved her, but I thuogth I did at the time, and for a long time after.
as to adventure, your a liar, there is lots of adventure left, alot of risk.
You and I are the same in many respects.
I crave attention, and adventure. its what got me into rock climbing and mountaineering.
you want some adventure? go for a walk for a few days, in the woods alone. Take a back pack and some clothes and gear and some food but not enough to eat for the total time your gone.
find shit and kill it to eat, fish, rabbits, squirell what the fuck ever ya got in the area to eat. adventure still can be found, and so can danger in the deep dark woods, get int caving, even in groups I get that sense of adventure in caving. Dont call it spelunking, people are stupid and 90% of them ask me what the fuck that shit is, its caving!
set some goals, then achieve them! I got some I havent yet, but I will, or Ill die attempting them. I still need to sumit some mountains that I have yet to do so, Everest, K2, Denalli, I have however gotten stuck on knife back ridge, in a storm in an emergency bivy that I thought I was going to die on on granite peak in montana on a return from the summit, overnight in a snow cave in an exposed ridge with wind ripping by so fast I thought I was going to go over the edge, and was actually surprised to walk down to my base camp the next morning as the sun came up or the 3 attempts that I took and failed each time in the wind river range for a summit to the highest peak in wyoming. weather kicked my ass every time.
There is adventure left, not like there was once in this world, but there is still some sense of danger and not knowing the outcome before it happens.
the adventure part and adrenaline is what I live for, its not about me dying, its about me finding a way to live.
The mess in your head will never go away, but it does help you to be able to walk through it all with out breaking yuor neck falling over some of the shit.
_________________________
Let's agree to respect each others views, no matter how wrong yours may be.
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#307620 - 02/11/08 03:22 PM
Re: The End
[Re: bobalicious]
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OldFolks
Tall and sexy member
Registered: 10/04/05
Posts: 2434
Loc: Just Beyond the Reach of Light
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But the problem is much bigger than mere love or the like, I would be willing to bet. Something more enigmatic that most don't, or at least seem not to be able to comprehend.
...the emptiness of existence.
I now it's depression but altering ones perspective doesn't alter reality. And, reality must be dealt with... but changing reality means destruction... forget it, I said I don't have the whatever to write about this and I don't, so...
_________________________
There is no punishment. There is no reward. There are only consequences.
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#307628 - 02/11/08 03:54 PM
Re: The End
[Re: bobalicious]
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Sexpert
longstanding member
Registered: 01/16/03
Posts: 3938
Loc: sAN dIEGO, cA
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Sexpert: You're a lovely guy, but blow me.
Uh, please don't try to solicit me for sex. It goes against this site's policy and against my personal beliefs.
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#307633 - 02/11/08 04:17 PM
Re: The End
[Re: Sexpert]
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Grvtykllr
Magnificent Mountaineering Member
Registered: 10/18/05
Posts: 6286
Loc: Any Vertical plane I can find
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Uh, please don't try to solicit me for sex. It goes against this site's policy and against my personal beliefs.
are you shitting me?
Ok its bobbo, Im not gonna have sex with bobbo either but if it was a hot girl of legal age and you were single, would you stil have it against your beliefs that she should not be allowed to pay you for sex?
Im betting your beliefs would change real fast.
_________________________
Let's agree to respect each others views, no matter how wrong yours may be.
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#307639 - 02/11/08 04:36 PM
Re: The End
[Re: Grvtykllr]
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Sexpert
longstanding member
Registered: 01/16/03
Posts: 3938
Loc: sAN dIEGO, cA
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He he! Maybe you're right. I always say never make any strong statements about yourself if you've never been encountered with that situation. Too many people say," I'd never do that," And they get caught doing it. Mostly very conservative political figures or religious people that get caught doing these things, that's why both conservatives and extremely religious people often piss me off, they very often live out a completely opposite life to the one they are preaching.
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#307649 - 02/11/08 06:05 PM
Re: The End
[Re: bobalicious]
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Sexpert
longstanding member
Registered: 01/16/03
Posts: 3938
Loc: sAN dIEGO, cA
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Sho Nuff
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#307654 - 02/11/08 06:14 PM
Re: The End
[Re: Sexpert]
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bobalicious
*property of AngelWitch*
Registered: 12/25/04
Posts: 7669
Loc: Ireland
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Wooohooo!!!
_________________________
Beware of the Cult!
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#307659 - 02/11/08 06:48 PM
Re: The End
[Re: bobalicious]
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Sexpert
longstanding member
Registered: 01/16/03
Posts: 3938
Loc: sAN dIEGO, cA
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Do you have red hair and freckles?
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#307660 - 02/11/08 06:49 PM
Re: The End
[Re: Sexpert]
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bobalicious
*property of AngelWitch*
Registered: 12/25/04
Posts: 7669
Loc: Ireland
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No, thankfully I'm not THAT Irish.
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#307665 - 02/11/08 07:21 PM
Re: The End
[Re: bobalicious]
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Sexpert
longstanding member
Registered: 01/16/03
Posts: 3938
Loc: sAN dIEGO, cA
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Well then you're not my type, he he!
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#307676 - 02/11/08 10:14 PM
Re: The End
[Re: bobalicious]
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JapanFan14
longstanding member
Registered: 05/25/05
Posts: 4306
Loc: US
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aww cheer up, boo.
There are times when I pretty much feel the same way you do. Not to the full extent but somewhat. You sound very poetic when you describe it. Me, I just curl up into a ball amongst my stuffed animals and cry till I feel I'm just about done. Unfortunately, I don't think my "solution" would help you because... well I'm a weirdo. You know this, I know this, the whole world knows this. I watch Lord of the Rings for crying out loud. There was one time I kept rewinding that scene when Sam tells Frodo he'll never leave him (they're not gay ppl shut up!). I think I recited that over and over while rewinding like... a hundred times. And when I broke up with my ex I watched one scene in Return of the King (the one when Eowyn brings Aragorn the cup) so many times I think I wore the DVD out. I know sometimes it's hard and almost beyond recovering but you just have to hang in there. Easier said then done yes, but thing's will get better.
I used to think love was that tingly feeling you got when you were around someone you liked. LIES! It's lust! I think it takes alot to realize and understand that you love someone. And people use love so loosely. Like when they say "I LOVE Cameron Diaz!". They don't love her they just think she's gorgeous. But I doubt they love like they do their parents or something. Like my dad would say "I love you" to me all the time. But how the heck are you going to tell me you "love" me when you never call or the only time you call is to ask for money or some other nonsense. I'm not saying my dad doesn't love me. I don't know. I love him, even though I don't know him like that but I know I love him because I would die for him. I think that's kind of what love is. When you love someone so much you would risk your life for them. To be honest, I don't think my dad would risk his life for me... but I don't want to judge even though I think I just did lol.
Seriously though... hang in there because I'm coming to Ireland!!!
_________________________
The greatest Joy is the Joy He gives you.
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#307704 - 02/12/08 10:07 AM
Re: The End
[Re: bobalicious]
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toriexx
member
Registered: 11/11/05
Posts: 184
Loc: Singapore
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Hmm , i am nowhere near as literate or poetic as you so bare with the layman's terms.
Most of our lives is spent looking at the world through tinted glasses , or through that ideal that the grass is greener on the other side. It often can take the smallest of events in our lives to all of a sudden bring as to an often abrupt realisation of what it means to live or love or even to die.
The world may offer nothing but shit , but if you go looking for shit soon enough you will find it , if you go looking for happiness it is easily found , especially in younger children who find it soo much easier to express what they are feeling.(However i love to watch all of the people in buses and in trains , i like to try and imagine them , what they do , where they are going where they have been. I can also look out the window onto the same landscapes and still find something new that i haven't noticed before , and it really is the little things that make me smile and make me happy when i am down. However i have to think about this all when i am alone so that occasionally i can just close my eyes and try to declutter what seems to be an endless mess in my mind )
This is the same for adventure , if you go looking for it you can find it , ok it may not be the same as saving Frodo from giving into the temptations of the rings (for Japanfan) it can be as small as getting on a new bus and just seeing where it goes.
I guess for me , to love someone is to be willing to sacrifice anything just to ensure there happiness , and to let them in close enough and trust in them not to hurt you.
Its the way that when he or she looks into your eyes they can tell in almost an instant that you are hidden behind a mask of joy, or they can tell the differences between those smiles we stick on and the smiles that are from deep down.
Everyone is capable of love , you just may need to look for a different way to express it , or a different way to let it out of its box and dance around.
I hope this is more than just a load of gobbledygook ,
Torie
_________________________
 a smile on the outside to often is saddness within
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#307708 - 02/12/08 10:41 AM
Re: The End
[Re: JapanFan14]
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Grvtykllr
Magnificent Mountaineering Member
Registered: 10/18/05
Posts: 6286
Loc: Any Vertical plane I can find
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Well than, all this time later and Im still in lust with Julie! I think thats good news, Im gonna have a cig with my coffee to celebrate!
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