2 registered
(Rad, jkidd)
and 30 anonymous users online.
|
|
|
#314015 - 04/11/08 09:16 PM
Friendship help!
|
droppydees
Registered: 12/22/07
Posts: 39
|
Offline
|
|
This month has been crazy. My wisdom teeth have been removed, my house got burglarized, a research paper that my graduation depends on is due Monday, and last but not least, my friends are upset at each other. I love my friends, I really do. I love people in general. But my friends are important to me and feel that I need to share this to get some opinions.
Here's the story: I have a friend who is a deeply religious Christian. We will call him Anderson for the sake of feelings. Some of the things he does are questionable according to his religion. He had a girlfriend who he said he really liked and enjoyed being around and he had been going out with her since November 2007 until early March 2008. Let's call her Maria. Why did this Anderson and Maria end? Well, he decided to fool around with another girl. Let's call her Ella. This girl performed a sexual act on Anderson. Anderson and Ella go to my school. So pretty much, a lot of the people know what happened between Anderson and Ella. So, Maria, tells her friends what happened to her, and now a couple of her friends aren't on good terms with Anderson because he cheated on Maria, their friend. Jacob, one of Maria's friends, starts texting Anderson letting him know that he isn't pleased with him and threatens to beat him up if he ever hurts Maria like that again. Right now, Anderson doesn't feel like it is fair for him to be "judged" like this. He feels really bad so he decides to smoke a certain something to get it off his mind. He smokes this certain substance on 3 occasions in 3 days. But we'll get to that later. So Anderson doesn't think that it is stupid for someone to harass him via text messaging. I have another friend who we'll call Charlie. Charlie hears the news about Anderson cheating on Maria and doing stuff with Ella. He is clearly upset that his friend, Anderson, would do such a thing, because he is against such an act. Charlie is a pretty straight edge guy. He doesn't smoke, drink, or do anything that is criminal. Jacob and Charlie are friends as well. So finally, I, Charlie, and Jacob all hear that Anderson and Maria are hanging out again. This is strange because Anderson sort of tried to continue a relationship with Ella. So, I ask him if he and Maria are getting back together. He says I think so, and he is going to have to explain to Ella that how he likes Maria. So Charlie goes to school and informs Anderson that since he and Maria are getting back together, Jacob would like to meet Anderson and apologize and become friends with him. Anderson developed a deep hate for Jacob because of the whole harassing-via-texting debacle. Anderson doesn't want to. Charlie is a bit upset because he doesn't want to meet Jacob. The logic and reason behind Charlie being upset is that Anderson feels like he shouldn't be judged based on his actions while Anderson is judging Jacob for his past actions as well. Charlie just thinks that Anderson needs to step up to plate and handle it. Anderson gets really upset at Charlie and starts ranting about his flaws - about how he is lazy and will never get a job, and doesn't know how to drive yet and how he stood up for Charlie when he was going through some problems with his girlfriend. I explain to him what I think about the situation, and tell him that people are obviously upset at him because of what he did. I also explained that it is fair for them to be upset but it wasn't right for anyone to harass him and that Charlie wasn't taking a side in this whole debacle. I explain that Charlie was merely trying to get you to talk to Jacob so he could both be friends with you and hang out with both of you guys at the same time. All Charlie did was try to make things right with Anderson and Jacob.
So that's the story. My friends are still upset at each other (or at least I think so.) Like I stated above, I think it is fair for Maria's friends to be outraged about Anderson's actions that obviously hurt Maria's feelings. That is a natural friendship where one friend cares about another friend. Imagine if someone cheated on your best girl-friend or beat up your best guy-friend. I know I would be angry at the person who harmed my friend. I think it was immature of Jacob to harass Anderson via text message, but it was understandable anger. As for Anderson, I think he needs to start practicing what he preaches. He says he shouldn't be judged but judges Charlie and rants about how he is lazy, etc. He also frowns upon his friends smoking a certain substance, when he smokes that same substance, but doesn't like it when Charlie frowns upon Anderson using that substance. Let me go back to the whole lazy thing. While Anderson calls Charlie lazy, I receive a phone call from Anderson last night asking me to print out something for him (he has a printer) because he didn't feel like walking downstairs to print out his homework. That's ridiculous, in my opinion. And while Anderson is a devout Christian, he certainly doesn't seem like he forgives fairly easy, as the Bible teaches that one should forgive. The Bible also teaches that one should judge oneself before judging another. I think it is safe to assume he doesn't practice that. In the Christian culture, one is taught to be grateful for everything and anything, yet when I hang out with Anderson, he complains about the littlest things from video game graphics to his internet being slow or how his car sucks when it is in very good shape. Not only does he not practice gratefulness, he also frowns upon poverty and often mentions about how he wants to go into the Peace Corps. I find this ironic and hypocritical, because spends about ten dollars a pop for a certain substance he smokes. While I love Anderson to death, as he can be a great friend sometimes, I think he needs a personality check.
After all of this, one must ask: What do you do with a friend whose actions contradict their words and thoughts. How do you make them realize that they are being so hypocritical? I really don't like to speak these thoughts directly to my friends, especially Anderson, because he is so emotional/dramatic about everything and is very sensitive, but at the same time, I want him to realize what he does.
Thoughts and advice?
|
|
Top
|
|
|
|
|
#314026 - 04/12/08 08:03 AM
Re: Friendship help!
[Re: droppydees]
|
Ineligible
Administrator
Registered: 08/09/01
Posts: 12821
|
|
Offline
|
|
It sounds like the month from hell!
After all of this, one must ask: What do you do with a friend whose actions contradict their words and thoughts. How do you make them realize that they are being so hypocritical? I really don't like to speak these thoughts directly to my friends, especially Anderson, because he is so emotional/dramatic about everything and is very sensitive, but at the same time, I want him to realize what he does.
This situation has become messy because everyone is going around doing lots of judging of others, and taking it on themselves to improve other people's morals. Anderson has acted far from well, and his personality obviously needs a great deal of work, but other people's judgements have not helped him improve.
I suggest that everyone at this stage should back off and leave Anderson and Maria and Ella to work things out themselves.
|
|
Top
|
|
|
|
|
#314029 - 04/12/08 11:36 AM
Re: Friendship help!
[Re: droppydees]
|
Virtual_Star
A2A Shining Star
Registered: 01/28/07
Posts: 2132
Loc: ☆ So. California
|
|
Offline
|
|
What do you do with a friend whose actions contradict their words and thoughts. How do you make them realize that they are being so hypocritical? I really don't like to speak these thoughts directly to my friends, especially Anderson, because he is so emotional/dramatic about everything and is very sensitive, but at the same time, I want him to realize what he does.
He isn't going to change and he isn't going to realize his behavior until someone tells him. If it really bothers you then gather up the courage to tell him. He isn't going to like it but you can't change if you don't understand what the problem is. Being honest is very scary but, like in any relationship, honesty is key.
But he's only going to change his hypocrital behavior if he wants to. There's nothing you can do really, just only be honest with how you feel. If he doesn't work on it, then it's up to you what you want to do after that. I personally can't stand people like that and simply just cut them from myself.
I also can't stand drama. It's a pain in the ass. As far as this situation goes, try to stay out of it. Since it's their business, then let them figure out that they want to do.
|
|
Top
|
|
|
|
Moderator: Amanda, Amz, cenfath, ClassyBlackWoman, Ineligible, LoveBritish, NtroducingMyself, Roc, sdp, ~AngelWitch~
|
