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#314292 - 04/15/08 06:15 PM
A Death In The Family
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JEDI-ALCHEMIST
Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 226
Loc: California, USA
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Earlier today I had learned that my Grandfather had died. I don't know the exact details of his death but I do know that he had been in declining health for the past few months. The problem I am having is basically this: My grandfather had left my mom and uncle and grandmother when my mom and uncle were kids. I never knew my grandfather except for a few times I met him. I don't know what to feel right now. I guess since it happened all of a sudden I probably feel numb because, well, it was all of a sudden. Do you guys think it's wrong that I don't feel anything? I mean if it wasn't for him I would never exist.
_________________________
Life's A Fleeting Dream Don't Let It GO............
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#314297 - 04/15/08 07:05 PM
Re: A Death In The Family
[Re: JEDI-ALCHEMIST]
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LTTA
Registered: 02/29/08
Posts: 257
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Everyone handles deaths differently.
I would say it's normal for you to feel nothing, especially since you never really knew him that well.
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#314298 - 04/15/08 07:24 PM
Re: A Death In The Family
[Re: JEDI-ALCHEMIST]
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A.W.
Rootbeer Boy
Rootbeer Member
Registered: 07/05/05
Posts: 1857
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Hey man, I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather passing away. Just two years ago, I lost my grandfather due to pneumonia which was brought on from a double bypass surgery two years earlier.
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#314299 - 04/15/08 07:57 PM
Re: A Death In The Family
[Re: JEDI-ALCHEMIST]
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Ineligible
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Registered: 08/09/01
Posts: 13147
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I don't know what to feel right now.
There's no 'correct' way to feel. Feelings happen as they will.
The movies give us the wrong impression. When things happen there the screenwriter and actors usually bring out a standard reaction, so in the audience we can follow everything easily and feel empathy. But in real life it's nothing like so tidy.
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#314305 - 04/15/08 08:56 PM
Re: A Death In The Family
[Re: JEDI-ALCHEMIST]
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leelee89
longstanding member
Registered: 08/15/05
Posts: 1659
Loc: U.S.A
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I don't think its wrong. Death is a hard and sometimes weird thing to deal with depending on the circumstances.
I went through the same thing when my grandfather whom I hardly knew died too, and I reacted in a similar way. I was mostly sad for my father. He took it pretty hard because he was in the process of trying to resolve the relationship with his father.
_________________________
"Observe the art of seduction. Watch, learn, and don't eat my cookie."-Friends
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#314317 - 04/15/08 10:11 PM
Re: A Death In The Family
[Re: JEDI-ALCHEMIST]
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cooldawg2
Registered: 02/22/08
Posts: 548
Loc: Boston, MA
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Obviously it's going to be difficult if you rarely ever saw him. You don't necessarily need to cry or mourn in this situation because the only real connection you have to him is that he's your mother/father's father. I'm lucky that I'm close with all my relatives and we get together nearly 3 times a year.
_________________________
"And baby I ain't never ran from a nigga and I damn sure aint bout to pick today to start runnin." - lil wayne
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#314343 - 04/16/08 01:40 AM
Re: A Death In The Family
[Re: JEDI-ALCHEMIST]
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JEDI-ALCHEMIST
Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 226
Loc: California, USA
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I'm feeling the pain now. My mother is a wreck. Earlier she was in tears and couldn't stop, but now she is so quiet. Like I said earlier I never knew him and I only met him a few times but now, well I feel a hole in side me. I want to scream, I want to do something anything but I can't because, well I don't know why but I feel like I can't. Anyway, the point of the matter is, I am finally feeling something and it's full blown depression. I know how to handle this, at least I'd like to think I do. But you know what? It doesn't matter. Cause there is nothing I can do. Now I'll never know any of my grandfathers. But so what? Who cares.
Edited by JEDI-ALCHEMIST (04/16/08 01:46 AM)
_________________________
Life's A Fleeting Dream Don't Let It GO............
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#314344 - 04/16/08 01:48 AM
Re: A Death In The Family
[Re: JEDI-ALCHEMIST]
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Ineligible
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Registered: 08/09/01
Posts: 13147
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You can support your mother by being there for her to talk to when she wants to talk.
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#314390 - 04/16/08 09:48 PM
Re: A Death In The Family
[Re: Ineligible]
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JEDI-ALCHEMIST
Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 226
Loc: California, USA
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Yeah that's what I've been doing. She is doing better now thankfully. It feels weird you know? Even though I never knew him beyond just a few times meeting him, it feels weird having a family member die. Quick question though, if someone who is very close to you doesn't care how you feel at a moment like this and is being rude about it what should I say and how should I react to the person?
_________________________
Life's A Fleeting Dream Don't Let It GO............
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#314409 - 04/17/08 04:17 AM
Re: A Death In The Family
[Re: JEDI-ALCHEMIST]
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Ineligible
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Registered: 08/09/01
Posts: 13147
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Some people don't understand feelings very well. Also, many people at times like this have no idea what to say, and feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. They may then try to cover their embarrassment or discomfort by inappropriate humour or aggressiveness. I'd suggest telling them how you feel politely but firmly.
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