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#316552 - 05/13/08 12:02 AM
Another of My Long Posts
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Cider
Registered: 04/03/07
Posts: 591
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A few of you reading this have probably seen my long posts before. I don't know how long this is going to be yet, but it should be a decent length.
Just a little background information. I'm male, 17, a Junior in High School and have not had a date yet - though I have had something of a relationship.
Since the last time I posted one of these, I've become quite a bit more social and have gotten more friends. Currently, I would say two of my friends are pretty good friends. I hang out with one of them out of school fairly frequently including going to movies and stuff like that. The other I talk with a lot in the classes that I have with him (three periods). However, we haven't ever really hung out outside of school, but this might be due to the fact that I don't know too much about the things that he does at school and, from what has been said by other friends of mine, he doesn't do too many things outside of school like me (with the exception of golf and karate, of course). So I don't know if there's anything that I should do here, though something could happen over summer (even though I'm gone for half).
I'd also like to develop other friendships to similar situations as the two mentioned above as well as make more friends. Obviously, it could be a little hard to do this at this point because of how little there is left in school, but it's possible. One problem is the fact that in most class situations there isn't much chance to interact with people other than those that are close to you because of the way the classes are structured. Another contribution to this could be the fact that I'm never really "invited" to group things that go on outside of the school, which could be in part due to them not wanting me to feel uncomfortable with people I don't know(?). This probably is in part caused by the fact that many of my friends don't even know my other friends.
Another thing is phone numbers. The few people whose phone numbers I have asked me for mine first. I also never have really been much of a phone-user either, so asking for their phone number isn't something that usually comes into my mind.
Any suggestions as how to "solve" the "problems" above would be helpful.
Onto the part about dating/relationships. After having put a little too much emphasis on a topic related to this that caused a very mild depression-like state in me for a little while, I stepped back and knocked a little sense back into myself to not obsess with this stuff. This went well for a while and I told myself that being in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship doesn't matter. So I never really thought about that for a while. I think this also put me into a much more laid-back mentality that I like, since I rarely get mad over stuff that's not important. However, a question has arisen in my mind that I'm not able to answer and don't know what I should do with it.
Anyways, as I have said, in this time I became friends with some more people, including one girl. I never thought about being in any sort of relationship (other than as a friend) with her until a while after. However, it's not the thought of "I want to be in a relationship with her." It's actually the question of whether I do or not, because I really am unsure. It's not something I think about for much of my time, but it's something that perplexes me. I can't determine my feelings, even though I'm pretty good at self-analyzing (at least I think so). Obviously there's a possibility since the thought occurred to me that I might be interested, but I'm not entirely sure.
Any advice or suggestions on the above would be helpful as well.
If there's anything anyone's unclear about ask me and I'll try to explain it.
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#317120 - 05/16/08 08:37 PM
Re: Another of My Long Posts
[Re: Cider]
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Cider
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Posts: 591
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Hello?
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#317121 - 05/16/08 09:02 PM
Re: Another of My Long Posts
[Re: Cider]
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albeitmyself
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Registered: 05/24/03
Posts: 1233
Loc: British Columbia, Canada
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I did read your post when you first made it, but it's really such a complex situation that I didn't know how to respond. I just don't want you to feel left out.
I myself find the transition between say classmates and friends or teammates and friends to be very difficult, but what you have to understand is that the probability of the other person wanting to be your friend is actually pretty high.
As to phone numbers, why bother with them? Where I am, young people just exchange emails, or go on facebook. The key is to follow up with an open-ended but creative message with a reason to get together. You could say "hey, I've been wanting to go to (a lake) for a long time, you should come."
I can tell that you're a thinker, but this really is one area in life that thinking does not pay off. When you like a girl, don't hesitate, ask her out! Part of the wonder of first relationships is figuring out (whilst floundering) how you feel about each other. I'm glad to hear you've stopped obsessing over things but just try to not only be laid back but go with the flow more. This is completely contrary to my own personality but I am usually happiest when I go with the flow.
Good luck!
PS: 17 and never had a date is not abnormal, especially for really smart people :-P
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Language and thought are simultaneous, each gives rise to the other.
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#317126 - 05/16/08 09:34 PM
Re: Another of My Long Posts
[Re: albeitmyself]
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Cider
Registered: 04/03/07
Posts: 591
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Thanks for replying. Part of my anxiousness at getting a reply was because we have a week left and then finals, so... Then I'll be gone for the first half of summer. Yes, I am a thinker and I am smart, but so are most of my peers; I just have an advantage in the Calculus and Physics area.
I guess some of my hesitation comes from my lack of experience. I just don't know how, where, and when to ask someone out on a date, nor how it would actually work after that. Like where to go, transportation, and things like that. I also have the feeling that it may be "irresponsible" - I can't think of a good word here - to try and start a relationship right at the end of the school year and finals with the fact that I'll be leaving the country for extensive periods of time. Scratch that, it looks like I don't leave for a little over a month.
I'm trying to think of something else I wanted to say, but I can't remember at this moment.
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#317128 - 05/16/08 09:58 PM
Re: Another of My Long Posts
[Re: Cider]
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albeitmyself
longstanding member
Registered: 05/24/03
Posts: 1233
Loc: British Columbia, Canada
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A) Not all people that are good at school are what I would call "thinkers" or "smart".
B) All of those reasons to not ask someone out on a date are exactly the opposite of going with the flow. You shouldn't feel so much pressure to have everything worked out ahead of time. And yes, it would be cruel to have a girl fall in love with you now when there's no time before the end of school, but that doesn't mean you can't go on a couple dates and get in some practice before college.
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Language and thought are simultaneous, each gives rise to the other.
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#317131 - 05/16/08 10:31 PM
Re: Another of My Long Posts
[Re: albeitmyself]
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Cider
Registered: 04/03/07
Posts: 591
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But you gotta know the flow to go with the flow. Or at least some generalization, which is sortof what I'm looking for.
Wouldn't it still be possible to see her during the summer, too. I couldn't tell by your post whether you understood that I'm not going to college yet, either.
Also, most of the people that I would consider my peers are "smart", but maybe not the "thinkers" that I think you're referring to.
Edited by Cider (05/17/08 12:45 AM)
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