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#318053 - 05/27/08 05:32 AM
Taking the place of a father?
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JapanFan14
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Registered: 05/25/05
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Um... do you guys think that one of the reasons "a girl" is always in a relationship with a guy is because of her lack of a father? I don't think that's true.. at least I didn't. But I was speaking with my "mentor" and he told me that when girls are always in a relationship with a guy it's usually because they never had a father.
I don't know how to feel about that... does he mean like... that love you never got from your dad is what you're looking for in a guy? That sounds weird... I dunno. The thing is I kind of believe him. Because one of my friends is always throwing herself at guys and her father hates her mother and is always speaking badly about her mother towards her and he never treats either of them right. And then my best friend's father left when she was 3 and she's only spoken to him twice in her lifetime and her mother is a lesbian who never stays home so she's being taken care of by her aunt... and even myself. I find myself always needing someone. Like.. I can't be alone? I have plenty friends and a supporting mother and siblings. And I love my boyfriend but... I don't really know if what I'm saying makes sense. I may just be rambling. Sorry, I'm just confused.
_________________________
I believe in Harvey Dent.***
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#318063 - 05/27/08 09:29 AM
Re: Taking the place of a father?
[Re: JapanFan14]
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A.W.
Rootbeer Boy
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Registered: 07/05/05
Posts: 1857
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Hmmm, this is confusing. It's natural for a female to get into a relationship with a male and vice versa. I don't believe what your mentor said is true tho. Because look at females who came from a strong father-mother family, they got into relationships and found love as well. Don't ever feel guilty about getting into a relationship, it's natural for it to happen and it has absolutely nothing to do with a lack of relationship from not having a father.
P.S. Sorry for being point-counterpoint on this issue lol
Edited by A.W. (05/27/08 09:29 AM)
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#318065 - 05/27/08 09:44 AM
Re: Taking the place of a father?
[Re: JapanFan14]
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ashley69
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Registered: 05/22/06
Posts: 2750
Loc: Canada, baby \m/
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its not the same kind of love from the bf and the father. if they're lacking a father, they will try to find love else-where. and having a bf is one of them.
_________________________
**********************
*~I don't mind living in a man's world..As long as I can be a woman in it!~* -Marilyn
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#318071 - 05/27/08 10:13 AM
Re: Taking the place of a father?
[Re: ashley69]
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DxLISHxISx_43
Delicious Member
Registered: 09/29/04
Posts: 2622
Loc: Cleveland
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if they're lacking a father, they will try to find love else-where. and having a bf is one of them.
I totally agree with this. My father was never in the picture. Looking back at my past relationships, I was putty in the hands of any guy that showed me some affection.
_________________________
~I tried to be good, but then I got bored~
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#318076 - 05/27/08 11:03 AM
Re: Taking the place of a father?
[Re: DxLISHxISx_43]
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PepsiChaser
~* Superwoman *~
Registered: 02/08/05
Posts: 3002
Loc: Nor-Cal
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I to have found that to be true. I also noticed that if someone had a bad relationship with their opposite gendered parent, (Son/mother and daughter/father) that they managed to find a partner that was like them.
So if a girl had an abusive dad, she usually finds an abusive man, and then tries like hell to fix it! Sort of like, if they couldn't fix the wounds with their parent, they think they can fix it through the partner. It rarely if ever works.
It isn't so much true love, as it is trying to fix old problems, or fill in holes. Maturity and awareness usually brings in more healthy relationships.
I know for me, I still had crappy relationships for a while, but I had more control in them, and saw the red flags more readily after I mended my relationship with the dad who raised me, and accepted the new (and wonderful) relationship I could have with my real father who wasn't in the picture growing up.
_________________________
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -- Theodor Seuss Geisel
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#318093 - 05/27/08 12:07 PM
Re: Taking the place of a father?
[Re: PepsiChaser]
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JapanFan14
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Registered: 05/25/05
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wait so he's right?
_________________________
I believe in Harvey Dent.***
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#318094 - 05/27/08 12:10 PM
Re: Taking the place of a father?
[Re: JapanFan14]
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PepsiChaser
~* Superwoman *~
Registered: 02/08/05
Posts: 3002
Loc: Nor-Cal
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I think so. I saw it in my own life, and I see it in friends, and younger family members...
_________________________
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -- Theodor Seuss Geisel
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#318096 - 05/27/08 12:17 PM
Re: Taking the place of a father?
[Re: PepsiChaser]
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a2a08
Registered: 05/22/08
Posts: 25
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In my relationship, my wife looked for a man that had what her father was missing. I believe there may be some truth to seeking companionship with another male as a result of a missing father. On the other hand, it is no better to have a father around who neglects and treats you inferior.
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#318097 - 05/27/08 12:18 PM
Re: Taking the place of a father?
[Re: PepsiChaser]
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JapanFan14
longstanding member
Registered: 05/25/05
Posts: 4637
Loc: US
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badarnit...
is it possible I'm with my bf for the wrong reasons?
_________________________
I believe in Harvey Dent.***
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#318099 - 05/27/08 12:23 PM
Re: Taking the place of a father?
[Re: JapanFan14]
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a2a08
Registered: 05/22/08
Posts: 25
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Each one of us seeks out a partner for one reason or another. In your case, I think honesty within yourself as to why you are with him would give you the answer you want. I can't say if you're with him for the wrong reasons.
As for myself, growing up with no mother affected me emtionally. I had to learn how to love, I know, weird. I never wanted to open up and always had walls guarding my heart. Neither one was right but that was my coping method. It may be the same for you as well.
Edited by a2a08 (05/27/08 12:25 PM)
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