I doubt this means very much, if anything, to you coming from me, a total stranger, but I guess thats the whole point...no-one here knows each other. What I'm trying to say is, I read this whole thread holding my breath, and well done for finding it in you to give it all another go, I mean it; not all people could have found the strength, not all people did.
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Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Think before you act.