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#335350 - 12/14/08 03:49 AM I feel like an idiot
Saya



Registered: 11/18/08
Posts: 615
Loc: I'm still on earth....

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I met bf yesterday and really ruined his mood. I think I hurt him emotionaly.

It all started when he called up and said wanted to meet me. I was very happy and in a very good mood so I said fine, come on over.

After he came we talked for a while about what we did all these days about work, family members and friends. It went well. Then he called me a liar though I told him everything correctly. Well that did it.......I lost my happy/smiling mood and really felt very bad he called me a liar.....he said he was joking and I know he is very bad at jokes but I couldnt get myself to even smile at him.....even when he put a few romantic songs and even kissed me saying sorry and tried his best to make me feel better.
Though I wanted it to....my mood didnt change much I couldnt get myself to have some fun.
I felt more and more depressed and sorry that he was trying so hard to make me smile again and I was not able to respond to him and instead felt I was troubling him by my behavior and ended up with tears rolling down my cheeks no matter how much I tried not to cry

My mom told me not to meet him until I see my psychiatrist so I wont break his heart out of stupidity......hurt him and myself by breaking the decade long relationship we have had. She spoke to my bf and asked him to not meet me until the doc starts my treatment again.

He told my mom he was surprised and taken aback by my change in personality which happened so immediately which he hadnt seen for few years in me. Agreed with my mom and said he wont see me for 1-2months until I get a little better.

This is the fourth time its happened within past 6 weeks (only with him) and numerous times with my mom and dad since past 3 months.........I am having a relapse of BPD.

Everyone around me understands whats happening to me but I still feel like an idiot
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Il faut plus d'amour dans le monde.


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#335354 - 12/14/08 06:35 AM Re: I feel like an idiot [Re: Saya]
Ineligible Administrator
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Registered: 08/09/01
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I've found that jokes can easily cause a lot of trouble. Something that is intended to be funny can so often leave a bitter aftertaste.
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#335363 - 12/14/08 12:56 PM Re: I feel like an idiot [Re: Saya]
StephieJ
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Registered: 01/07/03
Posts: 6285
Loc: Ontario, Canada

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dont feel like an idiot. I guess its 50/50. You shouldnt have gotten so upset.. but he also shouldnt have called you a liar. When my bf says that bullshit to me.. rather than getting emotionally upset.. i say "Dont fucking call me that!!.. Im not a fucking liar" I drop the F bombs and get pissed:S
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Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same.

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#335691 - 12/18/08 10:16 PM Re: I feel like an idiot [Re: Saya]
JapanFan14
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Registered: 05/25/05
Posts: 5279
Loc: US

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Like the others said, it goes both ways. But don't feel bad. Maybe you're just a very emotional person. He should probably work on his jokes too. A very close guy friend who liked me had said something really stupid at a time. When I told him I wanted to go down to see my dad in Tennessee and he said 'jokingly' "Tennessee? Don't they still lynch black people there?" and he laughed. I was like... uummm WOW walk away. Even though he said it as a joke I took it offensively and I got all worked up about it and my whole mood was ruined. So really it does go both ways. Hope things work out. Your bf sounds like he really cares for you.
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"Isso é como nós latinas/meninas pretas fazemos. Vá ou flua.. ya digg?"

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