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#342429 - 05/05/09 12:11 AM Depression.....
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Depression....

It effects each of us differently. It used to be a state of mind, but what happens when it goes beyond that? what happens when the pills no longer work? What happens when the outings and fresh air don't work? What happens when friendly cheering up annoys you? Is it really possible for it to become an actual way of life? Sometimes.... Most times,life just feels like you're the canary in the cage hundreds of feet below the surface. Will today the day? Will tomorrow? Will Next week? You can suffocate from lack of oxygen or die from black lung... Either way, the outcome is bleak at best.

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#342433 - 05/05/09 07:42 AM Re: Depression..... [Re: Roc]
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I don't know about being a way of life, but so many great people have lived with depression for so long . . .
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#342437 - 05/05/09 09:54 AM Re: Depression..... [Re: Roc]
OldFolks
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For me, it is what it is until one day I'll have to run. The day of abandonment hasn't come yet, it may never, but I can feel it getting closer every day.

That missing part of myself I can't find and nothing fills up the emptiness within me. What's left to do but run... To me depression is the longing for the missing pieces of our souls.

What's missing?.....
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#342449 - 05/05/09 03:59 PM Re: Depression..... [Re: OldFolks]
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Scotty.... Good question. I don't have the answer. I' kept expecting to understand it but I can't seem to find it thru the fog...

Does that make any sense?
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#342450 - 05/05/09 05:03 PM Re: Depression..... [Re: Roc]
OldFolks
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Dysthymia or Chronic Depression

The second of the 6 different types of depression is dysthymia more known to many as chronic depression.

With this type of depression, a person usually experiences depression symptoms way milder than that of major depression. However, if a person with major depressive episodes experiences the major blues for weeks or months, a person with chronic depression, on the other hand, feels the blues (although mild) day in and day out for a minimum of two years.

The feeling of hopelessness, sadness, insomnia and having eating disorders are experienced for a long time, as though having those feelings is just part of the daily life, or that sadness is the regular menu of the day. People falling under this type of depression sometimes fall into major depression.

A person with dysthymia or chronic depression requires treatment so as to give the person a chance to live a normal life during his depressed state.


That's the form of depression I have to deal with daily. The doc has said I've been depressed since about 8-11 years old. They say it's just a chemical imbalance, I'm sure it is but whatever the cause I feel like something is missing. Sometimes I think I know what it is but I try to look at it rationally and I think it can't be this or that. All I really know is that I have a longing that leaves me with a feeling of emptiness.

I've tried filling that emptiness with cars, clothes, booze but nothing seems to work. Sometimes I feel like the problem is I'm content and I don't want to be. I always want to be striving. I don't want to know what's around the next corner. More than anything though, I don't think I've ever known who I am. I've always been the perfect chameleon and reflected whatever and whoever I was around. I'm not being disingenuous, I just don't know what I am. I've never found anything that fits.

I've achieved most of the goals I've had in life but I find no satisfaction in those accomplishments now. I'm proud I struggled through and made it, but having made it has no value for me now.

I'm horribly sad, horribly defeated and the malaise that fills my soul is numbing to the point of death but I always do my best and think tomorrow it will change. Tomorrow I will find it. Tomorrow something will feel different. Until then I wear a smile and mask my misery. If I didn't joke I would cry. Tears are never far.

And what do I take away from all from all this introspection, I understand only that I've no idea what it is I'm seeking or longing for and no one can help. This is my journey, I must trod this path alone. I can, and do, reach for crutches - friends and drugs - but so far they provided no clarity.
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#343101 - 05/19/09 02:23 PM Re: Depression..... [Re: Roc]
OldFolks
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>>>"It used to be a state of mind, but what happens when it goes beyond that? what happens when the pills no longer work? What happens when the outings and fresh air don't work? What happens when friendly cheering up annoys you? Is it really possible for it to become an actual way of life?"

This is just what I feel. My depression is getting really severe. I don't care anymore, about anything.
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#343128 - 05/19/09 10:18 PM Re: Depression..... [Re: OldFolks]
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When the pills and other treatments no longer work, that's when they start thinking of ECT, which is usually a last resort but does have a good record.
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#343134 - 05/19/09 10:38 PM Re: Depression..... [Re: Ineligible]
memcmatty



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I am of the belief that chemical imbalances (of the brain) causing depression is evolution nipping at our feet. A great cleansing must come.
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#348990 - 09/28/09 05:41 PM Re: Depression..... [Re: Roc]
philosiphyman



Registered: 09/27/09
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i deal with depression myself. seems as though everyone deals with it. im only fifteen but i have felt the same way, everyday for a year now. high school sure as hell doesnt help with the emptiness i feel. as i delve deeper into my second year of high school, all i want to do is nothing. no homework, no socializing, just watching tv and sitting. i cant sleep any longer. strange dreams plauge my conscious. im lonely all the time, almost everything pisses me off. but hope is what keeps me going. a better life ahead? but what the hell do i know. keep going and i believe youll be rewarded for your effort with promise on the horizon.
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#351049 - 11/24/09 08:26 AM Re: Depression..... [Re: philosiphyman]
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I can gladly say that I have escaped my depression, and like many of you, mine was really, really bad. I met a behavior analyst and I listened to what she had to say. I also listened to what my psychiatrist had to say. A few weeks later, after taking some medicine, I felt tremendously better, but I could still feel the depression. Six months after I was prescribed the medicine, I stopped taking it. It made me feel..... natural. The medicine did something for me I couldn't have done for myself. But I didn't need it any longer. I than began to reshape my environment. I listened to happier, more relaxing music. I stopped socializing with people who didn't agree with my mind, and started hanging out with people who understood what I was saying and could contribute to the I enjoyed having which were more philosophical. The results? My psychologist told me I had almost no anxiety left and my depression is practically gone. He said I have a few more anxiety issues but I will soon resolve them. He told me to be aware as certain things will trigger that depression again. And he was right. As I find those things that do trigger my depression, I walk away and reset my mind. It feels so good. I fought against this for so long.
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#351057 - 11/24/09 09:46 AM Re: Depression..... [Re: droppydees]
OldFolks
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Good to hear it man.
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There is no punishment. There is no reward. There are only consequences.

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#351091 - 11/24/09 03:42 PM Re: Depression..... [Re: droppydees]
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Good news!
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