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#348431 - 09/13/09 04:04 AM

I feel so pathetic..=(

JapanFan14
longstanding member

Registered: 05/25/05
Posts: 5279
Loc: US

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Break out the tissue box... I'm so depressed right now

I'm trying so hard to get over my ex... but this is the most difficult thing in the world. I tried to keep talking to him as friends... but he keeps screwing me over and we keep arguing. I want to separate myself completely from him but I feel like I can't do it. I'm so angry with myself because I allowed someone, let alone a guy, to get so close to my heart. This is ridiculous. I'm not supposed to be like this and long for him the way that I do. I can't stand him and I want him at the same time. I almost feel like I need a guy in my life, just that longing for a male companion to hold me and actually show and tell me that he loves me. I feel like the lack of male contact in my life has driven me insane. I think I fall in love a little with every guy I meet. I honestly wish I did have a steady father in my life that actually... you know.. hugged me every once in a while. Maybe then I wouldn't be so desperate? I can't remember the last time my dad or step dad told me I was pretty... that I had grown up into a "beautiful young woman". Never. The words never left their mouths. The physical affection were few nearly non-existent. But I don't blame anyone but myself because I'm not supposed to be like this. Damn. I feel like a lame ass bitch for crying right now.

But this is not me. I'm not supposed to be like this. I really just want to focus on my studies and accomplish what I came here to do. But it's hard because I feel lonely and severely depressed and insecure. I beat myself up too much. And I get too emotional sometimes. I don't know what to do. I hate this feeling and I feel so incredibly pathetic. Friggin hell $\:\($ Why am I like this?

Edit: I'm gonna be a bad ass curser by next year... this is bad. I need to stop.

Edited by JapanFan14 (09/13/09 04:05 AM)

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#348434 - 09/13/09 08:25 AM

Re: I feel so pathetic..=( [Re: JapanFan14]

Ineligible
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Registered: 08/09/01
Posts: 15528

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I think it's part of the grieving. But you are right to want to separate yourself from him. The "stay as friends" method rarely works - it only works when neither side is still in love.

Work on yourself for now. You'll find a good boyfriend when you no longer need one.

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#348453 - 09/14/09 11:46 AM

Re: I feel so pathetic..=( [Re: JapanFan14]

thor
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Registered: 06/27/06
Posts: 2702
Loc: here...not there

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I hate to say it, but it goes with the territory of being your age. Trust me, it would be much worse if you had lost your virginity to him...which is one more reason why chastity can be such a good thing. You will get throught this...but keeping him as a friend will only make it harder on yourself, though your heart will certainly argue against that.

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#348560 - 09/16/09 01:20 AM

Re: I feel so pathetic..=( [Re: JapanFan14]

StephieJ
longstanding member

Registered: 01/07/03
Posts: 6283
Loc: Ontario, Canada

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You need to push him away. It will hurt at first.. but it wont hurt as much as having him in your life will.

Getting over this will NOT be easy if hes around in your life.

You need to be focusing on school and your future.. not the pain from your past

P.S youre not pathetic

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Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same.

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