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#349042 - 09/30/09 11:20 AM
Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
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shawunga
Registered: 09/30/09
Posts: 74
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I don't know where to begin but I have a terrible problem. I finding all of my attractions to be towards men. I am extremely frustrated because I used to like girls genuinely. Since I was a little kid and before I even knew what "gay" was I liked girls and wanted to have a girlfriend. I remember getting erections from seeing Disney "princesses" when I was little and not knowing why.
My teen years were terrible. I was socially awkward, always by myself, girls ignored me. There were girls I liked but I never knew how to approach them. Sometimes there would be a girl I was attracted to a lot and then I'd gradually watch as she'd just flirt with some alpha male and I'd get more and more depressed as I eventually knew the two were having sex and I was still a miserable, lonely, virgin. Even if I got the courage to ask a girl out, they never said yes. I wasn't ugly but I was convinced I had something physically wrong with me. I was bullied and alienated all the time. I had extremely low self-esteem.
I spent this time masturbating several times a day to pornography. Jenna Jameson was the first pornstar I became familiar with probably around age 15 and from then on out I got really into porn and jacking off. My arousal was completely from the women on the screen and I thought if I would never be with a woman this was good enough. In my later teen years though I'd occasionally get a gay thought that would occur just before orgasm when I was jerking off. I just kind of ignored it then.
This later progressed though to looking at gay porn, talking to gay guys online, masturbating anally, phone sex, and even sending pictures to guys. After I ejaculated from these thoughts I immediately crashed and felt disgusted with myself and dirty. I still did these things though like a pathetic heroin addict. There was a guy I talked on an off with for about 6 months. One night I had just convinced myself no girl would ever want me so I might as well enjoy myself with a guy. I met up with him and he had sex with me with me on the bottom, it was wonderful sex and it felt so good but after I cummed I felt disgusted and excused myself to leave. I talked with him online for another year but whenever we made plans to do it again I just stood him up, on purpose just to make him not want me.
After this act I felt so dirty and disgusting. I thought that only by having sex with a girl I could "reverse the gayness," however irrational that may me I thought it would at least give me piece of mind. The girl I was with did give me an erection. After kissing and touching I would get hard enough to penetrate. I've had 5 female sexual partners in my life, never any girlfriends. The last girl I was with, I couldn't even get an erection and just chalked it up to being drunk.
I am a mess now. I don't want to be gay. Since the time I had sex with a guy, I never again did anything with another male. For a while though I looked at both gay and straight porn and masturbated anally, now I resolved not to ever put anything in my ass again or look at homosexual material, so far I have abstained for about 6 months and it's been 3 years since the sex incident with the guy. I think of it like an alcoholic says they've been sober for x amount of time.
I don't know if that all makes me gay or bi but I always thought I had been attracted to girls. I did genuinely get erections thinking about girls but lately I can't. Thinking about gay sex instantly gets me hard. When I tried to have sex with a girl, my penis got smaller than it's default size.. is that even possible? I guess being bi is not as big of a deal. I don't see it as a fail like being gay, at least I can just choose to do girls. Also if you're in Europe people it seems more popular than being straight.
I want to be a successful man. I want a wife and a family and I need to get over this in order to do it. I do not believe homosexuality is 100% genetic, there has to be environmental influence as well. I feel that because of my low self esteem and rejection by women, my sexuality started drifting towards what was more familiar. If that's the case then I should be able to change it.
Either way, I refuse to accept the "hand that was dealt." I would rather slit the dealers throat, kill the other players at the card table, and steal their cards to build myself a royal flush. If I have to, I guess I will just kill myself. I cannot picture myself living as a homosexual. The idea of having a boyfriend or "partner" makes me sick to my stomach.
I expect to be flamed, criticized, and called a "coward" by open homosexuals on this forum but seriously "fuck you" if you feel that way about me. I don't care how you live and I'll give you all the support you want but I want to live as a heterosexual and I want help and advice to do that. I think I still am at least a little attracted to girls and maybe I can build on that?
I'm an atheist and hate god so I guess the conversion therapy wouldn't work. It all seems like Christian bullshit to me anyways, but please someone help me. I don't want to kill myself over this but it's destroying me.
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#349043 - 09/30/09 11:51 AM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: shawunga]
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Grvtykllr
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Noone WANTS to be gay, well aside from madonna.
You are what you are.
Bible thumping do gooders have told you its a sin, that your shit, that your not as good as them because your gay, its all a crock of shit.
More and more proof has been found that your are born gay or straight.
I wish I had that proof, but its gone.
Java emailed me some pics of genes a couple years back, and a few computers back as well.
She was working in that field, Iv asked her for them since, but since she was no longer at that lab she no longer has them.
You can see a huge and clear difference in genes for man, woman and gay men or women.
You are what you are. Noone chooses to be tall, or short or what color eyes to be born with, if your gay, it was not a choice.
Your only hope is to come to terms with the fact if your gay, and live your life the best you can as gay.
Maybe your just curious? perhaps you are just fucking around, taking a walk on the other side to see how it is and once curiosity is satisfied, youll lean more to a woman's body than a mans?
Being straight I am not the authority, however what I have learned form friends that are gay is that to be gay, its not about fucking the same sex, its about the emotional connection to the same sex. If its just about the physical act, its not gay.
Well the act is gay, but the person is not, just kinky.
Noone would choose it. Why would you choose to be hated, harassed, singled out, beaten and looked down upon, your life made harder, and made to feel like less of a person than everyone else?
It is not a choice, there is no cure.
It is not like being an alcoholic. I may not be gay, but I am an alcoholic. I do know something about that subject. As far as putting something in your ass, how does that make you gay?
I very often have a finger in my ass during sex. Guess what? Im not gay, but I like her finger in my ass when we are fucking.
To say that being gay is a 'fail' is a crock of shit. Its also a slap in the fucking face to thousands of gay men and women that have said fuck society, and went on to be successful. Having a wife and kids does not automatically make you a success. lack of one does not make you a failure. To think otherwise is a farce.
_________________________
Let's agree to respect each others views, no matter how wrong yours may be.
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#349045 - 09/30/09 12:08 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: Grvtykllr]
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shawunga
Registered: 09/30/09
Posts: 74
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I don't give a damn what the bible types think. I think they're backward idiots putting their faith in something invisible and non-existent.
However even with all the advances in rights and whatnot, it still isn't a desirable way to live and I feel like I would be a FAIL to be gay. I'm not slapping anyone in the face, it's great that they are successes, all the power to them it just isn't my path.
I know putting something in your ass is not gay but when I did it I pretended it was a cock.
I still feel that having a good looking wife and children gets you further in the business world. You look more stable and responsible, that's just the way it is. Even the way gays are portrayed in movies, prancing around and being overly flamboyant is testimony to the way society still views them. I don't want to be in that demographic.
I never at any point wanted a relationship or love from a guy, just the sex part turns me on.
Even if it is genetic I think the environment must play a role. Blaming everything on genes is a cop-out, an excuse. A murderer could say killing is in his genetics. A pedophile could say the same thing. I think even if someone is born with a genetic predisposition to being gay, it could still remain latent until something triggered it, like in my case I think rejection from women led to these perversions.
I view it in my case as an addiction. I had the same habits with my thoughts and pornography viewing as I had with cocaine or marijuana. I am not saying all homosexuals are addicts or immoral but the way it worked with me is like an addiction.
I just want to know, if there any kind of therapy or cognitive restructuring that can at least heighten my attraction to women? Some part of me likes girls but I want to bring that out and suppress any gay tendecies.
If Tom Cruise can do it why can't I? There was that congressman who was married to his wife for 50+ years, I mean I doubt I even have 50 years left to live so that can't be so difficult.
I think of it like being a spy. There were Soviet spies who lived for years in the United States, with Top Secret clearances working in sensitive installations and laboratories stealing nuclear secrets and the names of U.S. agents overseas who were tortured and executed as a result. They spoke perfect American accents and all of their colleagues thought they were true American patriots who hated Communism just like them while all the while they worked to destroy Capitalism. I want to be like KGB.
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#349046 - 09/30/09 12:19 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: shawunga]
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Grvtykllr
Magnificent Mountaineering Member
Registered: 10/18/05
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All of that being the case, I think Id relax if I were you.
No emotional contact? sounds more like bi than gay.
If you were less stressed about it you may well perform with a woman.
I know several people in Utah that are powerful business men. They have a nice scam, to be really successful here you have to be mormon. They join the church and practice it all at home, then head to California mostly (why? I have no idea, but they like cali for most trips) and the wife does as she wants and he gets drunk and fucks men.
You said its a better way to be, its perceived as more stable.
I agree, it is. But secret lives can be had, and another one put on for public display. Just make sure that the girl knows what your in to and what you want on the side.
Youd be a real mother fucker to keep it secret from her.
_________________________
Let's agree to respect each others views, no matter how wrong yours may be.
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#349047 - 09/30/09 12:45 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: shawunga]
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OldFolks
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Registered: 10/04/05
Posts: 4556
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The therapies you seek are dubious at best and damaging at worst. I wouldn't encourage or suggest anyone try to be anything other than what they are. And, that "what they are" label is of no consequence to the ultimate goal of life, which is happiness.
Do what makes you happy. Life is to short to be unhappy which is all repression like Tom, governors and senators is going to get you. Think about this what good is success and social standing if your miserable in the life you've created. Or, here's another little thought that nobody ever brings up, what if rather than a success your just a mundane ordinary work a day person with maybe only one friend you see at the office AND your married to someone your not even attracted to. The point being don't build your life around being some success that may never come.
I think right now the only advice I have is to say calm down. Whatever you are it's not the end of the world, nor is it worth taking your life over. Well, that and realize the happy little nuclear family, picket fence idea, with button down job is a myth whether your gay, bi or straight. Get the basics of your life right (happiness) and the rest will fall into place.
_________________________
There is no punishment. There is no reward. There are only consequences.
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#349048 - 09/30/09 12:52 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: Grvtykllr]
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shawunga
Registered: 09/30/09
Posts: 74
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See I wouldn't do that. If I could attract a suitable female and date long term or marry or whatnot I wouldn't have gay affairs. I view that as extremely risky and just plain wrong. However I would never tell her I was somewhat attracted to guys, it wouldn't be necessary if I didn't act on it.
On a side note, I have severe OCD and this is becoming another obsession. I think over thinking it makes my time with girls awkward. Is there such thing as being obsessively worried about being gay even if you aren't?
Also when I'm at the bar girls don't even approach me even though I want them to. It's so humiliating when they walk right past me, go up to my friend and try and hit on him. He's got a girlfriend and tells them that and they still hit on him. In public I have had guys approach me and start talking to me and seem "too friendly." I just ignore them and hurry away because I think they are gay and think the same of me.
I don't think straight guys go up to other straight guys in situations like a supermarket and make conversation with them on a normal basis unless they run into someone famous or something. Is it possible to just "look gay" even if you dress normal? Is that why girls just avoid me and creepy males approach me sometimes?
Also if there is a gay gene, is there a bi gene?
And as far as therapy, I want to try the process where they show you pictures of guys and then give you an electric shock. I think that could work. I mean they have medicine that makes people sick if they try and use drugs or alcohol in order to keep them clean. Maybe the future holds a pill that does the same for gay thoughts.
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#349049 - 09/30/09 01:02 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: shawunga]
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OldFolks
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Registered: 10/04/05
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Slow down and try to take one thing at a time. How you choose to live your life is up to you but don't put the cart before the horse here. Your already talking about marrying and girlfriends and gay sex and all that and you haven't even figured out yourself what you are.
Get right with yourself in your mind before you think about anything else. To successfully embark on such a mental endeavor don't project on the future deal only with the question at hand, and the question at hand is "am I gay?" Deal with that before you start delving into the ramifications of living life one way or the other. Get right with yourself in your mind and your decisions about the rest of your life, as they come up, will be better informed.
_________________________
There is no punishment. There is no reward. There are only consequences.
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#349050 - 09/30/09 01:19 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: shawunga]
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OldFolks
Tall and sexy member
Registered: 10/04/05
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And as far as therapy, I want to try the process where they show you pictures of guys and then give you an electric shock. I think that could work. I mean they have medicine that makes people sick if they try and use drugs or alcohol in order to keep them clean. Maybe the future holds a pill that does the same for gay thoughts.
I'm sure that's a no-go. I would bet my left nut rather than the desired outcome a good many men who undergo such treatment develop a electric shock fetish rather than an avoidance correlation.
I seem to remember from my college days reading about a couple of experiments one of which was electrically shocking pedophiles when they were sexually aroused by pictures thoughts or whatever children. The result was not a negative connection to children but instead an electric shock fetish was incorporated into their child sex fantasies. Upon release some of the offenders who would later return to preying upon children not only engage in sexual relations with children but would also shock themselves as well as the children they were having sex with.
A second experiment evolved physical castration. Several rapist were castrated in the thought without hormones to drive the desire they would not engage in the act. This was not the case, instead some who underwent this process turned to rape by instrumentation as a means to fulfill their desires.
Human sexuality is a complex thing and usually doesn't respond well to attempts to modify it. For this reason I don't think it should be attempted where no one is being harmed by the "objectionable" act.
_________________________
There is no punishment. There is no reward. There are only consequences.
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#349053 - 09/30/09 03:30 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: OldFolks]
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shawunga
Registered: 09/30/09
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What about the experiment in the 70s where they took a bunch of gay men to the brothel and monitored them via one-way mirror with prostitutes. I think out of 70 of the men, only one actually had sex with the prostitute and that was only after she initiated it, the others just sat there awkwardly.
In that situation I certainly would have at least attempted sex, you'd have to be stupid to just sit there especially when the government bought you a hooker.
I find the vagina attractive and beautiful, from my understanding a genuine gay man would be repulsed or disgusted I just can't get as aroused as I want to. I'll ask again, is there anything I can do to build on that attraction and heighten in. I already like girls I just want to like them more.
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#349054 - 09/30/09 03:54 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: shawunga]
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OldFolks
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Have you considered that you have built up so much anxiety about this that your ability to preform with a woman has been compromised. This gets back to the root question of am I bi, am I gay, am I straight. I think if you figure out the answer to that question and come to terms with it any anxiety you have may be easier to deal with. If nothing else not knowing for sure who you are will add to the anxiety you would already naturally feel.
In answer to your question, no, I am not aware of any successful means to change or heighten your attraction to one thing or another.
Abstinence from anything sexual may help in achieving an erection but it won't do anything that I'm aware of to alter your attractions. And I think that would be a pretty miserable life, of course I 'm horny all the time.
_________________________
There is no punishment. There is no reward. There are only consequences.
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#349055 - 09/30/09 04:08 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: shawunga]
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NtroducingMyself
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Hello there Shawunga.. I'm going to try and put things into perspective from a gay male on this topic. Yes being gay shouldn't matter much and truthfully it doesn't, but might also help knowing someone who is gay has been in your shoes. This might be a long post, so I apologize in advance, but I encourage you to read it.
My teen years were terrible. I was socially awkward, always by myself, girls ignored me. There were girls I liked but I never knew how to approach them. Sometimes there would be a girl I was attracted to a lot and then I'd gradually watch as she'd just flirt with some alpha male and I'd get more and more depressed as I eventually knew the two were having sex and I was still a miserable, lonely, virgin. Even if I got the courage to ask a girl out, they never said yes. I wasn't ugly but I was convinced I had something physically wrong with me. I was bullied and alienated all the time. I had extremely low self-esteem.
This was exactly how I was in school. I had crushes on girls in school but never had the courage to approach them. I was not popular, not even close. I was teased, bullied, harassed... you name it, it was probably done to me.
Like you stated I also eventually turned to pornography as a release because I felt I'd never have sex so mine as well enjoy watching others. I started out the first couple years just watching straight porn, and like you I always assumed it was the females I was attracted to and desired to watch.
As I got older, I noticed I was started to watch the guys more. Even at school I noticed I was looking at the other boys. I assumed it was because I was jealous because they had these great bodies and I wanted a body like theirs. Also I figured I was jealous because they had these beautiful girlfriends, something I felt I could never have. So I just dismissed those thoughts.
I remember also stumbling on gay porn. I remember how erotically excited I got from watching and the enjoyment I received from it. But like you, after I had an orgasm I felt ashamed of myself and even disgusted... but I always returned to it. When I was 15 I had my first homosexual experience. We both performed oral sex on each other and jerked off together. It was enjoyable, but I also felt disgusted with myself. I told myself I was just experimenting and convinced myself I didn't like it and never did anything like it again for over 2 years.
For those two years I really struggled with my sexuality. I tried hard, even prayed every night to God to please "fix" me. I eventually had a few girlfriends, but we never had sex. I had many opportunities but every time we started making out and basically naked I could never get aroused. It wasn't the girls fault at all, they were cute. One of the girls, Tina, I was even in love with, but sexually there was just absolutely nothing there. Just a side funny note, later in life when I finally told her I was gay she told me she already knew and that she accepts it and loves me no matter what. We are still great friends today 
Anyways, I was 17 1/2 when I was lying in bed praying to god to "fix" me like I did every night for years (I know you are not religious but bare with me). After asking God to fix me, I got this feeling of true acceptance wash over my body, it felt like waves of water coating my body. I felt happy and I admit I even cried tears of happiness. I knew than I wasn't broken, and God accepted me for who I was. From that point on I stopped trying to fix myself, but instead I started to accept myself. It was a long road and not an easy travel. But I got there eventually and I have come to learn that homosexuality isn't a curse, disability, or even anything to be embarrassed or ashamed about. We have no control over our sexuality; it’s innate.
Society puts a lot of pressure and stress of sexuality, which I hate. Sexuality is just a small insignificant part of who a person is. We should never judge or be judged by our sexuality, but instead of what kind of person we are and how we lead our lives and how we treat other people.
I know this is long already but there are some other points I really wanted to hit. Again I am very sorry this is so long, I just have a lot to say.
I don't see it as a fail like being gay, at least I can just choose to do girls.
I know you didn’t mean this has a slap in the face, but it really is. Though I know you meant it as it would be a fail to yourself to be a gay, but as a homosexual it is a slap in the face. Being homosexual is absolutely not a fail, is it a struggle sometimes because of society and close minded people? For sure! But a fail? No way shape or form.
I want to be a successful man. I want a wife and a family and I need to get over this in order to do it. I do not believe homosexuality is 100% genetic, there has to be environmental influence as well. I feel that because of my low self esteem and rejection by women, my sexuality started drifting towards what was more familiar. If that's the case then I should be able to change it.
Trust me you can be a successful man, and be gay. You can have a family, the house and the white picket fence. I know several gay male couples that have the typical “straight” home life; kids and all. One of which, I am really close with, He and his partner have been together 28 years, have a 15 year old son who they adopted at a very young age. One runs a highly successful barber shop (yes a real barber shop, not a hair salon.. there is a different lol  ) and the other is an executive for an advertising agency.
But success is all in the eye of the beholder. What one might see as success might not be the definition for the guy night to him. Don’t let something as silly as sexuality define how successful you will/can be.
Just to touch on homosexuality and genetics, I don’t want to get too involved in this topic, but I strongly believe homosexuality is a genetic trait or even a mutation of a gene during gestation; however you wish to say it. There are mounts of research that supports genetic as the cause of homosexuality. Growing up I had no influences that made me gay, I didn’t even really understand what being homosexual was all about until I was in my later teens. But I always knew there was something different about me. I also have a gay sister, a gay uncle, and 2 gay cousins. To me, that screams genetics lol
When it comes to environmental influences, I think it’s more the cause of homosexual suppression than the cause homosexuality.
Either way, I refuse to accept the "hand that was dealt."
And that is your choice, but you have to ask yourself.. is it worth it? Is it worth not being happy and living a life of doubt? Life is too short.
Now I am not saying you won’t find a female who you love and will be happy with, that’s absolutely not what I am saying or saying that you are gay. But to me it sounds like you are denying yourself and you are absolutely miserable because of it. So the misery worth it? Believe me, it’s not.
If I have to, I guess I will just kill myself.
I hope to never see you type that again. Dying over your sexuality is not worth it!! I want to stress sexuality is such a small part of who you are, don’t let it control you. Acceptance is hard, believe me I’ve been there and I guarantee so has every other homosexual/bisexual person.
expect to be flamed, criticized, and called a "coward" by open homosexuals
Let me just say, if anyone criticizes or flames you I’ll be the first one to jump their ass. You don’t seem like a coward to me, you seem like a very confused young man who just needs some guidance. I know I am here to help you, along with many other awesome people on this forum. You can even feel free to Private Message (PM) if needed.
I never at any point wanted a relationship or love from a guy, just the sex part turns me on.
I used to think the same thing. The thought of being in a relationship with another male disgusted me at one point, I figured it was just purely physical. But when I got older and had my first relationship with a guy, I knew right I was gay. There was just something different than I felt with a female. I later realized I was just scared to try a relationship because I wanted so hard not to be gay.
If Tom Cruise can do it why can't I?
I admit this made me laugh… but not sure what Tom has to do with being gay? Granted when I was younger (Like I am so old right?? Lol) I fantasized about him, but never really thought he was gay… or did I totally miss the memo?? LoL
And as far as therapy, I want to try the process where they show you pictures of guys and then give you an electric shock. I think that could work.
And do you know how many young kids commit suicide after such practices? I can tell you know, electro therapy and things like it are FAR more damaging than they are helpful. I beg you to please never put yourself mentally and physically though something so damaging.
My main suggestion for you is to see a therapist, one that is not for or against homosexuality. One that’s going to really help you be who YOU are, not to try and change you into something you are not.
Okay I will stop there because this is really a lot longer than I meant lol. But I hope you read it all and it has helped even a little. Take care of yourself
_________________________
"Don't be a Dork! Wrap your Pork!"
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#349056 - 09/30/09 04:11 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: shawunga]
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NtroducingMyself
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I find the vagina attractive and beautiful, from my understanding a genuine gay man would be repulsed or disgusted I just can't get as aroused as I want to.
Not true. I find the naked woman body to be beautiful, and I am not disgusted by the vagina or think its ugly. I'm just not sexually stimulated by it.
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"Don't be a Dork! Wrap your Pork!"
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#349058 - 09/30/09 04:20 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: NtroducingMyself]
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shawunga
Registered: 09/30/09
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Well that all sucks, i came here hoping maybe to at least get a diagnoses of bi but that kind of throws all my hopes and dreams out the window. Even having a happily married gay life is still not an acceptable choice. i want my own kid not an adopted one from the Philippines and i don't want to pay a woman to carry my child i want to conceive a child with a woman i love. i could never be openly gay it just doesn't fit well with me and my goals, i would rather be miserable to be honest.
i guess the solution is just either to isolate myself from society or kill myself with drugs and alcohol. i am extremely furious that out of everyone i know somehow just i get stuck with this affliction, this curse, i fucking control myself, nothing else, all i know is that i will die a heterosexual as least in the eyes of everyone i know.
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#349060 - 09/30/09 04:35 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: NtroducingMyself]
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Grvtykllr
Magnificent Mountaineering Member
Registered: 10/18/05
Posts: 7249
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While it was a very long post, it also highlighted some really important shit and personal thoughts on a subject that affects a hella amount of people.
I think when it does all that, really long can be forgiven.
How could you sum up all that shit in a shorter post?
no fucking way.
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#349061 - 09/30/09 04:37 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: shawunga]
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OldFolks
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I think we all here understand, to varying degrees, what your going through and where your at. What you need to try and take away from this, right now, is that not all is lost and that whatever you are is not the end of the world.
Just so you know who your talking to, I'm bi and have been married to the same woman for almost 12 years now. I never figured out my sexuality until I was 28. I'm now 35. Like Eddie and Rad and I'm sure many others I've been where you are now and I can tell you it's not the end and it gets better.
I want to second something Eddie said and encourage you to seek a competent therapist and work through your issues. Don't spend energy now worrying about a relationship and the future, deal with your problems at hand.
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#349062 - 09/30/09 04:43 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: OldFolks]
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shawunga
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You're right I mean my biggest problem right now is concentrating on my education. Even if I can't change it I'd rather forget the problem existed so I could just concentrate on getting my degree. Even in classes all I do is look around the room at hot girls desperately trying to feel some kind of arousal. I do get aroused by hardcore depictions of lesbian sex but it has to be really hardcore.
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#349064 - 09/30/09 04:55 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: shawunga]
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OldFolks
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Well that too, but what I actually meant was deal with the internal question of what you like, men or women or both, without sugar coating it or trying to make-up excuses to yourself if you don't like what you think you've determined about yourself. Figure out in your own mind what you like without worrying about the implications of that just yet. In other words spend some time getting to know yourself before you spend to much effort projecting what that may mean for your future.
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#349068 - 09/30/09 05:43 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: OldFolks]
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shawunga
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From what I understand very few people are 100% gay or straight. Most people fall somewhere in between and if you're truly in the middle you're bisexual. Is that still correct?
Also according to that finger digit test which is "supposed" to be scientific I am not gay. Does that really tip the scales in my favor? If I had these feelings exclusively towards men for the majority of my life there really wouldn't be any question but why have I felt arousal for women even in my early years?
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#349072 - 09/30/09 08:34 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: ]
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shawunga
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yeah i really have few female friends and i always thought gay males were always hanging around women. the only relationships i have had with girls were just sex and began as just sex usually the same night I met them, then they just don't call me back or don't answer when I call.
i also smoke marijuana constantly, i heard that marijuana contains estrogen which may have an effect on my sex drive. this all started probably around the time i started smoking pot a lot as a matter of fact and some of my strongest urges come just after smoking. maybe if i quit it will go away?
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#349088 - 10/01/09 09:31 AM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: shawunga]
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OldFolks
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From what I understand very few people are 100% gay or straight.
That is correct nearly all people fall somewhere on the spectrum and few are at the extremes of being completely homosexual or heterosexual. For me, personally, quantifying degrees of sexuality is an exercise in futility but I don't have a problem with my sexuality so that may color my feelings.
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#349093 - 10/01/09 10:57 AM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: shawunga]
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Grvtykllr
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I can not agree with that.
I smoke, and have for about 25 years? I dunno, Im 38 and have been smoking since I was 14 and am to lazy to do that math. I get strong sexual urges all the time, and very strong ones when Im high. I am still geared towards women. I think that having a puff of the green may intensify sexual urges, but I do not think it has an effect on who to carry those urges out with.
I could be wrong, just speaking on personal experience. See if I can find any studies that have been done looking in to that for you.
Well more for me, now Im curious about it and I can not stand to have a question and not know an answer if one exists.
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#349096 - 10/01/09 11:16 AM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: Grvtykllr]
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shawunga
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maybe i just won't do anything til i finish law school. maybe i should just completely forget about women and the whole sexuality thing, once i graduate i figure enough attractive women will take the initiative with me if only for the income potential i have. i really don't care though, if that's what it takes i'll do it.
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#349099 - 10/01/09 11:42 AM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: ]
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Grvtykllr
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really want to start a MJ debate in this thread Rad?
I can prove with science that I would be worse off.
Well to be realistic I can not prove Id be worse off, but I can prove its helpful and good and and something that is not dangerous.
This is about his fear of being gay, and I think far to important a subject to start a mj debate in this thread, but if there were a thread of its own about MJ benefits and fears, Id be happy to write a book worth of shit in that thread.
Your 100% right about alot of what we think having an effect, its a proven fact. I can not argue against that. But I do not wish to tackle any of it in this particular thread as I think this thread gets to a serious problem that has a toll on alot of people. Many wasted lives and miserable existences stem from this problem. Many from the mj problem as well. Each deserves the respect of its own thread as they are separate problems and in the future each thread could have a profound effect on people who come later on looking for answers.
Want to get in to MJ? start a thread, if time allows later on Ill do it myself, its far past the time an honest debate were carried out about it and people became educated on it.
Since this one already exists on the gay thing, I think its best to keep it in that direction.
Im all for highjacking (spelling and pun intended), but not this thread in this case.
Edited by Grvtykllr (10/01/09 11:52 AM)
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#349101 - 10/01/09 11:51 AM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: shawunga]
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Grvtykllr
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Or. maybe you should relax a bit, do what comes naturally and explore the feelings you have to determine what they really are.
If you always worry about it and obsess over it, you can never really get a feeling for what is right, instead of what you perceive to be right, based on societies rules.
If I were you, Id stop thinking about it so much. Its driving you batshit.
Get out, do somethign fun, smoke a fatty with some friends, go out to a movie, have some fun.
School, especially law school can be a real bitch and very stressful.
My uncle went through it later in life after he was married, working full time at night and attending law school in san diego area. It nearly killed him. Paid off in teh end, but his marriage is over, 3 kids in college themselves now, one autistic, 7 grand a month in alimony, a 3 million dollar house lost and living in a shitty apartment driving a volvo instead of the Porsche he used to trade in on a lease every 12 months for the latest model.
You got enough shit to deal with with school, with out stressing over this shit.
work your ass off, but take some time for some fun and stop thinking so hard about what you are. Youll be much happier just being who you are instead of always trying to define it.
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#349106 - 10/01/09 11:59 AM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: ]
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Grvtykllr
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I did not shit on trying it, I just said that I think its wrong, but was going to see if I can find any studies on it.
Its part of an honest open debate. I can not conceive that MJ is responsible for people seeking out gay sex.
Its my opinion, but I am willing to consider it, and see if I can find any actual proof it could be right.
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#349110 - 10/01/09 12:07 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: ]
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Grvtykllr
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Id love to get back to him, just as soon as you understand that I did not object to trying that out, only to the direct connection of MJ causing his feelings of being gay.
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#349118 - 10/01/09 05:11 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: shawunga]
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shawunga
Registered: 09/30/09
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Well i still think no matter what i will never stop trying to have sex with women. If I ever have the chance i will never say no provided she's attractive enough.
I just want to know why in the past I have been able to produce an erection for sex and now I can't. Before all it took was kissing or touching a girl and I'd have it, the last time I tried to have sex I pathetically tried to jerk myself off to no avail, it's like my penis just stopped functioning, it was dead or something.
Is there a way to destroy my sex drive completely? If I have no sex drive then I have no deviant thoughts.
I hold a lot of hope for the future. I mean they're close to finding ways to make blind people see again, how long realistically til they make a pill to make people straight?
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#349133 - 10/02/09 10:13 AM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: shawunga]
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NtroducingMyself
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Like Rad, I was to stress the option of getting some counseling, and by a neutral party. I think you would truly benefit from having a professional help work through your sexuality issues.
As other have also said, when it comes to sex you are stressing yourself out; its no longer enjoyable. You are putting so much pressure on yourself to perform that in the end you just cannot meet.
Again you have to ask yourself.. is it more important to be happy in life or to lead a life of frustration and anxiety.
Please seek out a counselor and get professional help so can work through these issues and start leading a more satisfied life.
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#349228 - 10/05/09 05:49 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: shawunga]
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krispdx
Registered: 10/05/09
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Well i still think no matter what i will never stop trying to have sex with women. If I ever have the chance i will never say no provided she's attractive enough.
I just want to know why in the past I have been able to produce an erection for sex and now I can't. Before all it took was kissing or touching a girl and I'd have it, the last time I tried to have sex I pathetically tried to jerk myself off to no avail, it's like my penis just stopped functioning, it was dead or something.
Is there a way to destroy my sex drive completely? If I have no sex drive then I have no deviant thoughts.
I hold a lot of hope for the future. I mean they're close to finding ways to make blind people see again, how long realistically til they make a pill to make people straight?
You're feeling a ton of tension about sex; no wonder your cock doesn't get hard. It's a barometer of how you feel.
Gonna be blunt here: your problem is not that you are gay or straight or bi or whatever, it's that you're beating yourself over the head with your sexuality. You have to get some peace about this. You won't turn straight by hating feeling attracted to other dudes.
Go find someone to talk with about this. There's different options to get counseling, especially if you live in a larger city or a college town. Get some peace with yourself, and then go get some hot sex.
Besides, no woman worth having an orgasm with is going to want to get in bed with a guy who's hating himself over sex.
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#349350 - 10/11/09 02:56 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: krispdx]
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shawunga
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counseling is kinda out of the question because that would involve verbally telling another person all about everything and that just makes it too "real." i figure as long as i try and forget about it and push it out of my head it isn't there.
i've determined i will kill myself before i ever go public because it is simply unacceptable to live that way in my own viewpoint. don't get me wrong, it's fine that other people do it, just for me to do it would be unacceptable.
i was willed a $20,000 diamond engagement ring, it really wouldn't look good on a guys hand and i'd completely let down the person who willed it to me if i didn't give it to a girl.
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#349357 - 10/11/09 07:33 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: shawunga]
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Ineligible
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I wonder, shawunga, if you are putting dreams and fantasies ahead of reality? In all of life, we have plans and ideas for our future life - but life tends to throw them out of the window and give us quite different things that we would never have dreamed of. If we try to resist reality, what happens is that we still don't get what we want, and we don't enjoy what we have.
I'm not talking about just sexuality, but everything. We don't quite get the career we originally planned. We don't get the children we planned. All sexuality issues aside, we don't get the wife we planned (mine was going to be a blonde lexicographer). Forget about the self-help books that tell you that if you set goals firmly enough you will will achieve them - this is not how life works.
I really hope you don't put your life and your happiness into a dead person's hands. If you have no use for it, sell the ring for a down payment on a house, or something else useful.
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#349383 - 10/12/09 10:13 AM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: Ineligible]
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OldFolks
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I wonder, shawunga, if you are putting dreams and fantasies ahead of reality? In all of life, we have plans and ideas for our future life - but life tends to throw them out of the window and give us quite different things that we would never have dreamed of. If we try to resist reality, what happens is that we still don't get what we want, and we don't enjoy what we have.
I'm not talking about just sexuality, but everything. We don't quite get the career we originally planned. We don't get the children we planned. All sexuality issues aside, we don't get the wife we planned (mine was going to be a blonde lexicographer). Forget about the self-help books that tell you that if you set goals firmly enough you will will achieve them - this is not how life works.
No truer words have ever been written.
The one thing we can count on in life is that whatever we imagine life will be is the one thing that it won't.
Shaw, for some it's a bleak fact of life that all we can do is make the best of the hand we're dealt. Once you make piece with that reality though, that fact isn't so bleak. Beyond that accepting that reality can take a lot weight off your shoulders.
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#349386 - 10/12/09 10:22 AM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: OldFolks]
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shawunga
Registered: 09/30/09
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The real truth here is that being gay is not normal and that's why I won't live that way. There is absolutely no scientific purpose for it. I don't believe in god, I believe in science and evolution and every single trait, behavior, feature etc. should all have an evolutionary purpose. The only thing homosexuality serves to accomplish is human extinction. To say that some people are born gay and it's the way they're meant to be is to acknowledge that god exists and people are "pre-destined." I say fuck that and fuck god.
People may be "born gay" but that doesn't make it normal. It's just the recent gay rights movement that sought to "normalize it." It makes sense, I mean no one wants to be labeled a deviant but I believe it's a mental illness. I also think there have to be other factors, like not having a father, or being bullied, or having girls reject you that trigger it to become active. People are born with Schizophrenia, pedophilia, tendencies to rape, murder, etc and we don't call those alternative lifestyles. Normalizing homosexuality only opens the door for a "pedophile rights movement" in 25-30 years.
Sorry if this offends anyone, it's the way I feel about it and it doesn't make anyone bad or anything.
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#349387 - 10/12/09 10:31 AM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: shawunga]
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OldFolks
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So don't live that way. It honestly makes no difference to anyone other than yourself. Just be honest with yourself in your own mind. Trying to lie to yourself is a fools game.
>>>"People are born with Schizophrenia, pedophilia, tendencies to rape, murder, etc and we don't call those alternative lifestyles."
Whatever you believe about homosexuality, the difference is that all the things you've listed effect other people. Homosexuality doesn't effect or hurt anyone else.
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#349390 - 10/12/09 11:03 AM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: OldFolks]
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shawunga
Registered: 09/30/09
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Well it affects the family of the person afflicted, it affects the people they are around on a day to day basis. Mental illnesses like OCD, Schizophrenia, Autism, are pretty much passive and don't really affect anyone else either but we don't put a positive spin on it.
I feel like the whole gay rights movement is just an effort to make something seem normal when deep down I think every gay person really knows they aren't living a life that humans are meant to. The entire purpose of any species is to reproduce, nothing else, some animals live long enough only to reproduce and die, their only function. Everything alive in the world follows this equation.
Like I said before though, technology is getting further ahead, scientists are getting better at understanding the process of the human brain. In 100 years maybe no one will ever even have heard of homosexuality because it will be fixable.
I only hope that day comes soon enough so I don't have to splatter my brains on the wall of some cheap motel room because I'll never have the life I want and I won't have it any other way.
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#349391 - 10/12/09 11:06 AM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: shawunga]
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shawunga
Registered: 09/30/09
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Perhaps let me just rephrase everything. How can I appear more straight and masculine. If I'm going deep undercover I need all the advice I can get.
Should I start taking steroids or testosterone? What about drinking bull blood? I am willing to do anything. Even go to some third world country and undertake some bizarre form of surgery.
Where do you get steroids? Mexico?
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#349413 - 10/12/09 04:27 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: ]
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shawunga
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Well than that organism has failed and it's DNA will not pass on. Whatever it accomplishes be that winning the nobel prize, curing cancer, flying a spaceship to Saturn, etc... really doesn't matter because it still didn't reproduce. A million years from now neither the organism or whatever it did probably won't be remembered but if it has a very distant descendant it at least did something right. If you're gay and you die and that's it, nothing of your cellular code continues on, you're forgotten eventually no matter who you are and what you did.
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#349434 - 10/12/09 07:25 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: shawunga]
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Ineligible
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You're forgotten even if your DNA is passed on. Surely humans can do more than merely reproduce - bacteria can do that.
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#349447 - 10/13/09 12:47 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: Ineligible]
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NtroducingMyself
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You're forgotten even if your DNA is passed on. Surely humans can do more than merely reproduce - bacteria can do that.
Exactly.
Also there are many straight couples who do not reproduce, but still have a purpose on this planet.
And as Rad stated, homosexuals can still reproduce.
Just because a person cannot reproduce or does not want to reproduce does not make their life less meaningful. Its what we do in life that gives us meaning, and that can mean many different things for different people.
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#349449 - 10/13/09 02:19 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: shawunga]
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NtroducingMyself
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Sorry another very long post but I hope you read it all…
counseling is kinda out of the question because that would involve verbally telling another person all about everything and that just makes it too "real."
You told all of us and nothing horrible has come of it, if anything I hope some positive has come from it all. A lot of people gave you some amazing advice.
A counselor is not going to judge you; they are there to help you. I would again state you seem very trouble and you need some professional guidance. Anyone who is willing to even think about killing themselves over something as simple as sexuality needs professional counseling.
i was willed a $20,000 diamond engagement ring, it really wouldn't look good on a guys hand and i'd completely let down the person who willed it to me if i didn't give it to a girl.
You worry too much about other people. This is not their life this is YOUR life. Its YOUR life to be happy and love and be loved. Stop letting other peoples problems and societies prejudice interfer with YOUR life. There has to come a point in life when you have to stop making everyone else happy and put yourself first, until you can do that you’ll never be happy; straight or gay.
The real truth here is that being gay is not normal and that's why I won't live that way.
I really dislike the word “normal”, because lets be honest what is normal? What’s normal for one person will not be normal for the guy sitting next to him. We are all different and live a life set with different Normalcies. Who sets the rules for “normal”? Should we live a life set by the rules of “normal” given by another person’s standard? I sure hope not because lord would we be a boring bunch of people.
There is absolutely no scientific purpose for it.
Well, I cannot argue much about this except to say I think as humans we have more purpose than just reproduction. I don’t feel the definition of a human equates to “reproduction”.
believe in science and evolution and every single trait, behavior, feature etc. should all have an evolutionary purpose. The only thing homosexuality serves to accomplish is human extinction.
I don’t believe this at all. There will ALWAYS be heterosexual people and there will ALWAYS be homosexual people. If you want to focus on reproduction, think of homosexuality as perhaps nature’s way of a natural population control. Though as it has already been stated homosexuals can still reproduce (Thanks to science) so extinctions is not even a possibility for humans unless by some other means other than failure to reproduce.
To say that some people are born gay and it's the way they're meant to be is to acknowledge that god exists and people are "pre-destined."
Not sure how this acknowledges god, because it really doesn’t; if anything its more science than it is religion. Science is the one leading the mission to show that homosexuality is a genetic situation, not an environmental cause.
It's just the recent gay rights movement that sought to "normalize it."
Because it is normal… for me and every other homosexual person, just as being straight is normal for all straight people. Again this goes back to my paragraph about what is normal. No one should live by a set of “normal” standards because who is normal enough to set them?
It makes sense, I mean no one wants to be labeled a deviant but I believe it's a mental illness.
I might have some mental illness, but it’s not because I’m homosexual lol. But in all seriousness there is nothing anymore deviant about being homosexual than there is being heterosexual.
I also think there have to be other factors, like not having a father, or being bullied, or having girls reject you that trigger it to become active.
I cannot disagree more. I had a father in my life, yes I was bullied but I never let it get the best of me and I often fought back and yes I might have been rejected by some girls but there were other girls who didn’t. If this was the cause of homosexuality there would be a lot more homosexuals in this world.
People are born with Schizophrenia, pedophilia, tendencies to rape, murder, etc and we don't call those alternative lifestyles.
Other than schizophrenia, you are not born with any of those other traits. I have never seen anything documentation stating pedophilia, rape and/or murder is a born with trait. All of the above is however an example of a true mental illness.
Normalizing homosexuality only opens the door for a "pedophile rights movement" in 25-30 years.
False on every level possible. For homosexuality to open the doors to legalizing pedophilia there has to be a connection between homosexuality and pedophilia, which there is absolutely none. If anything if you look at the statistics there are by far more heterosexual pedophilia cases than homosexual.
Secondly, society will never allow pedophilia to be legalized. That’s like saying it will open the door to legalizing rape, it will never happen. Homosexuality and pedophilia cannot even be compared, but that’s a scare tactic those opposed to Same-Sex Marriage have been using to scare peoples votes in their direction.
Well it affects the family of the person afflicted, it affects the people they are around on a day to day basis. Mental illnesses like OCD, Schizophrenia, Autism, are pretty much passive and don't really affect anyone else either but we don't put a positive spin on it.
Me being gay (and my sister as well) does not have a negative affect on my family, if anything it truthfully has had a positive one. My family has become very accepting of people different than themselves and has come to realize there is no difference other than we love someone of the same gender. My family didn’t have to take the high road just because we’re gay, they took it upon themselves to understand us… sadly many people decide to take the low road.
Also my homosexuality affects absolutely no one around me… does a straight persons sexuality affect the people around them? Not to my knowledge. Most people would never know I am gay unless I told them. Sexuality it not something you wear on your sleeve because its absolutely no ones business, regardless of your orientation.
when deep down I think every gay person really knows they aren't living a life that humans are meant to.
I think deep down all gay people know we are different than the majority of the population, but to say we aren’t living a life we are supposed too I’m not sure I can agree with that statement completely. I think all animals on this planet, not just humans, have a variety of sexuality. Humans are not the only species on earth that homosexuality has been found. Just to name a few penguins, dolphins, and monkeys have all been found to have homosexuality as part of their species. There have been pods of dolphins where gay couples raise children, same with penguins as well.
So if anything the animal kingdom has shown that though homosexuality perhaps is not the majority, it is also not uncommon. And whats great about their communities, they aren’t treated differently or removed from society… they are treated as equals. Just some food for thought.
Like I said before though, technology is getting further ahead, scientists are getting better at understanding the process of the human brain. In 100 years maybe no one will ever even have heard of homosexuality because it will be fixable.
I find it more likely that science will prove that homosexuality is a genetic trait and eventually through time society will become tolerate.
Should I start taking steroids or testosterone? What about drinking bull blood?
I’d advice against drinking bull blood… that cannot be healthy lol
As for steroids and testosterone, that’s not going to a damned thing to help you with your problem. Steroids might help you gain muscle, but it’ll also make your testicales shrink like a baby’s.. is that worth it?
As for testosterone, that has absolutely no baring on anything. My testosterone levels are double the normal male, and I am still gay.
What WILL help you though is getting some professional therapy from someone licensed to help. All we can do here is give advice and give personal experience, but what you need is someone who is going to professionally help you through your sexuality identity issue.
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"Don't be a Dork! Wrap your Pork!"
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#349458 - 10/13/09 03:37 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: NtroducingMyself]
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OldFolks
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Brilliant post Eddie.
Shaw, think about what Ntro (Eddie) had to say.
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#349464 - 10/13/09 04:02 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: NtroducingMyself]
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shawunga
Registered: 09/30/09
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Ok, I'm too lazy to really comment back on everything but I want to clarify that I know that homosexuality and pedophilia have nothing to do with one another but there ARE people and groups who claim that pedophilia and other deviant obsessions are "sexual orientations." There are activist groups right now claiming that raping boys is "natural." 30 years ago gay groups were looked at the same way, that's what I'm trying to say here. While homosexuality isn't the same thing, the movement is different than blacks trying to end segregation or women trying to vote. Think about all the taboo things that everyone will agree is taboo. In the future maybe we'll be looked at as "bigots" for our views that are now universally accepted. It is opening Pandora's Box. I think homosexuality should be private and completely behind closed doors.
I really get pissed off with all these categories though, if you wikipedia "sexual orientation" they have something like 15 types of sexual orientations on there rather than the standard gay, lesbian, bisexual. And WTF does "queer" mean? I see that all the time, how is "queer" a sexual orientation different than gay or bi?
There is no more to life than eating, sleeping, relieving yourself of waste, and reproduction. That's really the sole purpose of anything alive. Enjoying the sunset or reading a good book is not the purpose of life, sure they may be nice but really doesn't contribute to the survival of humanity. Everything else is artificial and human created. Once again, o matter what you do, in a million years, it won't matter unless you have some kind of distant descendant still around, that's the only way to achieve immortality. In a million years all records will probably be lost and anyone around probably won't even speak English so your acts of kindness really don't mean anything. Yes I know that gay people can adopt babies from China or pay a poor destitute woman $20,000 to carry their love child but that's just way too artificial and it's like Jewish kids having a "Hanukkah Tree" just to simulate the joy Christian kids get to feel around the winter holidays.
Anyways how can I appear more heterosexual? Right now I make an effort to show guys I'm not gay but generally acting like a douche to every guy I don't know. For instance if I walk into a building and a girl is behind me, I hold the door, if it's a guy I let it slam in his face. I also try to show anger a lot and over react with violence and throwing things. I've also started to get into a lot of road rage incidents that have almost escalated into violence. What else can I do to make people give me the benefit of the doubt?
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#349466 - 10/13/09 04:11 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: shawunga]
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OldFolks
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A little piece of advice, quit being a dick to random men because you have a conflict in your head. They did nothing to you and don't deserve to be treated that way. Your issues shouldn't be inflicted on the innocent public. That's stupid, irresponsible and childish.
The kind of thought your writing about is what leads some people to eventually tie a gay boy to a fence and beat him to death.
Get it through your head there is no way to act straight. Just be respectful to people and treat them the way you would want them to treat you.
_________________________
There is no punishment. There is no reward. There are only consequences.
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#349470 - 10/13/09 04:46 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: OldFolks]
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shawunga
Registered: 09/30/09
Posts: 74
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I don't see how what I'm saying condones what happened to Matthew Shepard, that was horrible and all but the unfortunate truth is it probably would not have happened if he wasn't gay. I'm not getting into any kind of hate speech, I just personally believe it's unnatural and a product of 20th century political correctness and open-mindedness. Yes, I know it's been around forever but only recently did it become a hip fad.
I'm generally a douche to anyone I perceive as being happier than me, sadly I just want the whole world to be as miserable as I am.
There may be no way to act straight but there are certainly ways to act gay, what are some subtle hints someone is gay? Like the way the talk, walk, or chew their food, etc. Like I said earlier this is the part I liken to "spy training" because I want to be a lifelong infiltrator into the heterosexual world.
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#349471 - 10/13/09 04:53 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: shawunga]
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OldFolks
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I didn't say what you wrote condoned anything. What I was saying is that being a dick to somebody because you have issues in your own mind is wrong. I don't care whether your being a dick cause your terrified you might be gay or if it's because you stubbed your toe on the bedpost. Neither give you the right to treat other people in a generally shitty manner.
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There is no punishment. There is no reward. There are only consequences.
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#349482 - 10/13/09 06:42 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: OldFolks]
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shawunga
Registered: 09/30/09
Posts: 74
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I'm not really going out of my way to be a dick, I just won't do them any favors. And by being a douche-bag I mean I just want to come across as unfriendly to other males. I also think it's important to exhibit rage and anger all the time because that's what alpha males do in order to protect their territory.
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#349510 - 10/14/09 01:48 AM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: shawunga]
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Ineligible
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I also think it's important to exhibit rage and anger all the time because that's what alpha males do in order to protect their territory.
Generally only to direct rivals in the rutting season - and humans, who don't have a rutting season, don't work the same way. Keeping constant rage is very unhealthy, both psychologically and physically (the mind and body are not designed to be in a constant state of stress).
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#349516 - 10/14/09 12:38 PM
Re: Don't Want to be Gay, Help!
[Re: Ineligible]
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shawunga
Registered: 09/30/09
Posts: 74
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I'm thinking in terms of dogs not deer. You have your alpha wolf which is always in control and will take out any other wolf that tries to challenge him.
Anyways, today is day 1 of my sobriety. No more gay thoughts, no looking at gay material, talking to homosexuals online, etc. I am an addict and I need to take things one day at a time if I am to cure myself. I'm even trying to get my jacking off down to once per day. I'd appreciate all the support I can get.
Thanks
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