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#350184 - 10/31/09 03:41 AM
Can I pwease get an opinion on this poem I wrote?
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The Tigress
Registered: 10/03/08
Posts: 16
Loc: Omnipresent
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Relaxed on the sofa, remote in his hand
He sifts through the channels, the time flows like sand.
Now clutching his cigarette the hours go by
His own rhythmic heartbeat a sweet lullaby.
Not a care nor a worry, his life presses on
He watches his sons grow with each passing dawn.
With a proud gaze he smiles as they each leave his nest
And sleeps soundly, not aware of the bane in his breast.
The years carry on, the time flows like sand
Now he travels great distances, he’s high in demand
But it’s harder to breathe- his heart soon gives way
He grows weaker and weaker with each passing day.
So too grows a monster, a ravenous hound
Consuming his body- too late is it found
As he struggles for air, his sons come undone
So proud of their father, and all he’s become
The minutes march on, the time flows like sand
He looks at his oldest, weakly grasping his hand
But today he just seems so strangely withdrawn
No more pain, he draws his last laboured breath… And is gone.
I love you Grandpa…
11/18/2007
_________________________
I used to have an open mind, but my brain kept falling out...
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#350186 - 10/31/09 05:53 AM
Re: Can I pwease get an opinion on this poem I wrote?
[Re: The Tigress]
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readytogo
longstanding member
Registered: 04/22/03
Posts: 1828
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The poem is nice. I'm very sorry for your loss.
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