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#353680 - 03/09/10 12:03 AM
Doctors can't seem to help me
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M and M
Registered: 12/18/07
Posts: 55
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Hello. My name is Michael and I am 17 years old. Hopefully you can provide some insight for me.
All of my 'problems' started in about 7th grade (currently in 11th). Basically, I get headaches everyday that start from minutes after I wake up until when I go to sleep. Which leads me to my next big issue: sleep. I cannot remember the last time I slept all the way through the night without waking. I wake up at least 2-3 times around midnight till 6 am usually. I get back to sleep relatively soon, but it's frustrating.
The reason this is a problem is because the next day I am ridiculously tired. I ALWAYS get 8-12 hours of sleep per night, mostly 9 or 10. I am exhausted the next day. More sleep doesn't help, less doesn't help either. I cannot stay awake during class and I am too tired to do any work after school.
In addition, last summer I was diagnosed with 'depression'. I am not sure how I feel about this, because it seems like such a cliche diagnosis. No one would ever guess this about me as I am a super happy, outgoing well-liked guy. My friends who know were shocked and confused and get frustrated when I talk to them. I saw a psychologist for 7 months and was put on and off Zoloft and Prozac (currently on 20mg, went up to 40-no effect). I do not believe medication will work. I do not think anything will anymore.
I made no progress with my psychologist, and many times I left even more frustrated and I hate myself even more. When finally my parents realized this wasn't working, I went to a psychiatrist. I've gone there maybe 4-5 times, he said he could help me in 2-3. He then told me he lied. All I ever do with therapists is have a nice friendly conversation as if I sat down with a friend of mine. So I asked why the HECK do we pay 250$/hour when I have friends. Theys said they provide a professional friendship. Oh. Okay. Cool. It's bogus. I have yet to receive any sort of benefit from them as opposed to anyone else.
So pretty much I hate my life, I hate my parents (I feel like they don't care), I hate some of my friends, my friends and parents are frustrated with me, I feel apathy towards almost everything, nothing is fun anymore, and I'm involved in activities up to my neck, and I'd rather die half the time than go to them because there's so much stress. However, I still manage a 3.55 in school. And slowly declining most likely as this is snowballing.
I have seen to no avail:
- Multiple therapists
- Multiple neurologists
- Gotten an MRI
- Actimiter monitor, showed nothing
- Amitryptaline, made me RIDICULOUSLY groggy
- Pediatrician
I'm looking into getting a sleep study, as well as going to a nutritionist to see if I have a food intolerance. My blood work shows that I am normal in those areas.
I don't know what to do anymore, each day is a nightmare and I am breaking down more frequently and I just can't handle it. I'm afraid I may do something stupid. Or run away to get attention.
Please help me. Please.
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#353682 - 03/09/10 07:19 AM
Re: Doctors can't seem to help me
[Re: M and M]
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Ineligible
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Registered: 08/09/01
Posts: 15528
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The diagnosis of depression is not unreasonable. Depression is often behind sleep disorders and feeling tired, and the feelings of hatred, apathy, and feeling nothing is fun any more are very typical.
My personal view, which many professionals would strongly disagree with, is that talking therapy is unlikely to be useful and more aggressive chemotherapy is called for. It seems to me that stress, and particularly the anxiety that is part of it, is at the core of the problem, and needs to be particularly treated.
I don't imagine that helps much at this stage, when you have little control over your treatment. It's very difficult for you. All those activities - I think you are pushed too hard, and push yourself too hard.
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#353683 - 03/09/10 10:29 AM
Re: Doctors can't seem to help me
[Re: Ineligible]
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M and M
Registered: 12/18/07
Posts: 55
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How do I go about getting this? Chemotherapy as in more intensive medication you mean, right?
Should I merely suggest it to my psychiatrist? It's just getting really frustrating. Thank you very much for your input though.
What else can they do with medication? I don't really desire to be on tons of meds, especially if they could cause some sort of withdrawal symptoms or dependence.
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#353688 - 03/09/10 05:55 PM
Re: Doctors can't seem to help me
[Re: M and M]
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Ineligible
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Registered: 08/09/01
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Yes, I'm thinking more intensive medication, to break the cycle.
You could suggest to your psychiatrist that uncontrolled anxiety is a problem that needs treatment. That is my feeling - if you were less anxious, life would look a lot better.
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#353690 - 03/09/10 11:25 PM
Re: Doctors can't seem to help me
[Re: Ineligible]
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M and M
Registered: 12/18/07
Posts: 55
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I do not deny that anxiety is probably there, but what does that really even mean? It sounds stupid... but I looked at some of my past posts... I have been feeling this way for at least 2 years solid. I know it started manifesting itself in 7th grade, and it wasn't until 7 months ago did people actually start taking moderate action.
What is it like without anxiety or depression? I don't think it's possible for me to feel those things anymore... I have felt this way for so long, I don't know what's normal anymore.
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#353695 - 03/10/10 02:08 AM
Re: Doctors can't seem to help me
[Re: M and M]
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Ineligible
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Registered: 08/09/01
Posts: 15528
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Depression seems to happen when the mood biochemical system gets stuck somehow, so you feel all the time the way you would normally only feel after a serious calamity.
Some people also have the anxiety system always on, or at least very sensitive, so they are always worrying or anxious about things that worrying can't help.
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#353697 - 03/11/10 07:00 PM
Re: Doctors can't seem to help me
[Re: M and M]
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ImBob
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Registered: 01/22/05
Posts: 999
Loc: Texas
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I had a lot of the problems you had when I was junior high and high school. I'm with Ineligible on the subject of sleep. I don't believe you are getting the sleep you need, and that's the major issue behind your problems. I don't really remember that time in my life because I was too tired all the time. I was on antidepressants for about 5 years but I didn't need them during the summer when I was able to sleep when I needed to. I was perfectly happy when I could sleep on my own time.
Personally, I would stop seeking the psychologist/psychiatrist until after I have tried some lifestyle changes.
Have you ever had a lot of time off and just let yourself sleep when your body told you to? I'm talking summer or winter break. Did your body "settle in" to sleeping and waking at a particular time? When I do this, I eventually get to the point to where I go to bed at 8 or 9AM and wake at 4 or 5 in the afternoon. My body doesn't want to sleep any more or less, or go to bed earlier or later. This is my body's natural sleep time, and I have never felt better in my life than during the few times when I was able to operate on my own schedule. You may be having to work with society's standards of sleep, which is well outside of your own personal natural circadian rhythm.
You mentioned that you are really busy and stressed. How stressed out are you? You may need to drop an activity or two. Too much work may end up preventing you from getting a good night's rest.
I have a few questions:
1. Do you take sleeping pills?
2. Do you consume caffeine on a daily basis?
3. What time does your school start or what time do you normally wake up? (This actually has a large impact on your health.)
4. On a scale of 1-10, 1 being not at all and 10 being overstressed, how stressed are you on a daily basis?
On the headache issue, where do you feel the pain? On the sides, neck, and possibly the forehead? I would lean towards saying that those are tension headaches. If you do a quick Google search, you'll find some interesting information on them. These stretches have helped me: http://www.fitnesshealthzone.com/fitness...-and-neck-pain/
If you participate and find out anything during that sleep study, let us know.
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#353966 - 03/28/10 08:40 PM
Re: Doctors can't seem to help me
[Re: ImBob]
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M and M
Registered: 12/18/07
Posts: 55
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I don't know, I always just get up because I always have things to do. I would probably go to bed at 7 or 8, that's when I get really tired and then wake up at maybe... 10? I don't know, I could lay there forever, I never feel refreshed. I never feel I've slept enough.
I'm super stressed... I'm always worrying about everything because everything is too important and society puts way too much pressure on teens and I just can't handle it.
Also, I can't really change my lifestyle since I don't choose how I live. I don't choose when I start school or activities, therefore I'm stuck in this suck-cycle. And I can't really quit anything, because when I'm bored I just want to sleep or die or insert anything but sitting around, but I have no motivation to do anything. But when I'm in an activity, I usually hate it because it's boring, or mostly people are just too immature and stupid for my taste and can't focus on the objective.
I do not take sleeping pills.
I never consume caffeine.
School starts at 7:30, I'm up at 6:20. I also do PSEO, which is where I take some local college classes, and that's T/TH so off days, I wake up at 9. No difference in fatigue usually.
8 or 9 easily.
All over. It's never in one area, it is different each day and throughout the day. I also have icepick stabbing kind of headaches every once in a while too. Although I usually feel it at the bottom back of my head, in addition to other places.
Oh, and the sleep study is out. My dad, again, thinks it's stupid. Also, I couldn't make my sleep doctor appt because of an activity.
So I'm stuck.
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#353982 - 03/29/10 08:28 AM
Re: Doctors can't seem to help me
[Re: M and M]
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M and M
Registered: 12/18/07
Posts: 55
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Additionally, I've read on the depression forum that it seems like good friends and time spent together can help... But I don't want to.
My good friends annoy me, I feel like I annoy them, I can't talk to any of my friends any more because they don't know what I've been through and they just get frustrated.
So I hardly ever hang out with people. And when I do, they don't know the real me... so it's hard to keep pretending all the time. I don't want to pretend. So I just stay alone.
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#353992 - 03/29/10 05:33 PM
Re: Doctors can't seem to help me
[Re: M and M]
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Ineligible
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Registered: 08/09/01
Posts: 15528
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Friends do make a big difference, but not when they are hard work. Perhaps what you need is new friends that know the real you and that you don't have to pretend with - or a fresh start with old friends.
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#354036 - 03/31/10 09:22 PM
Re: Doctors can't seem to help me
[Re: Ineligible]
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M and M
Registered: 12/18/07
Posts: 55
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I don't ever want to burden anyone with myself. I only change for my friends for their benefit. If my friends are the ones that I act myself around than I am and always have been my only friend. I'm sick starting over, so no, I won't make new friends or get to know old ones. I don't have old ones. I have my current ones. Which don't like to talk to me about my issues because they miss "just being friends."
ALSO WHAT THE FRICKING HECK.
AM I EXPECTING TOO MUCH OF THERAPY? I pay 250$ an hour TWICE A WEEK and YOU KNOW WHAT I GET? A FRIENDSHIP EQUIVALENT TO TALKING TO MY PILLOW. We talk about nothing more than my current activities, how I like them, how my friends are, what we do together ET CETERA AD INFINITUM FOREVER. I tell my therapist it's a waste of time, why are we doing this? He responds by saying that he wants to get to know me. I don't pay him 250$ twice a week for over a month to 'get to know me' when I have PLENTY of people WHO ALREADY DO.
WHEN DOES THE THERAPY COME IN?
I HAVE YET TO SEE ANY PROOF THAT THESE PEOPLE HAVE ANY EDUCATION BEYOND ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.
I CANNOT HANDLE LIFE ANYMORE! I ALWAYS SAY WAIT TILL THE NEXT DAY, THINGSLL BE BETTER
I'M JUST LYING TO MYSELF! THEY NEVER GET BETTER! THEY NEVER WILL! IVE BEEN TRYING FOR OVER 3 YEARS AND HAVE MADE NEGATIVE PROGRESS. I FEEL SO SIGNIFICANTLY WORSE THAN I DO WHEN I START ANY SORT OF TREATMENT OR GO TO ANY APPOINTMENT.
I HATE MY LIFE.
I WANT TO DIE.
Why did I have to be the one my mom gave birth to? What a fricking waste. And what an awful life I have to lead now.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ANYMORE?
NO ONE IS THERE FOR ME
NO ONE CAN RELATE TO ME
NO ONE UNDERSTANDS WHATS GOING ON
NO ONE REALIZES HOW SERIOUS THIS IS
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#354044 - 04/01/10 12:16 AM
Re: Doctors can't seem to help me
[Re: M and M]
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Ineligible
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Registered: 08/09/01
Posts: 15528
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The real you is not a burden!
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#354047 - 04/01/10 05:18 AM
Re: Doctors can't seem to help me
[Re: Ineligible]
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droppydees
Registered: 12/22/07
Posts: 102
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Ineligible says we are remarkably alike in regards to the issues we are having. PM me when you get a chance and leave me your email and if you're trusting enough, leave me a number I can TEXT you at (I don't get on here often) I think I can really help you. I've been through some severe anxiety and depression. I can help you find a lot of answers, but I'd like to talk to you in private about them.
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#354051 - 04/01/10 10:38 AM
Re: Doctors can't seem to help me
[Re: droppydees]
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M and M
Registered: 12/18/07
Posts: 55
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Okay I apologize... the post was a little dramatic. But last night was not a good night.
@Ineligible: if the real me is not a burden, then I maybe have like two friends. My two best friends don't really like to talk about things...
@Droppy: I will definitely PM you.
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#354071 - 04/02/10 06:45 PM
Re: Doctors can't seem to help me
[Re: M and M]
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M and M
Registered: 12/18/07
Posts: 55
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My life is getting worse every day. I can't cope with anything anymore and no one even cares or notices. My parents are oblivious and all my therapist can do is talk like a robot.
"my therapist"
I'm such a freak. I'm disgusting. I can't believe I have "a therapist"... I hate my life and I hate myself...
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#354076 - 04/02/10 09:13 PM
Re: Doctors can't seem to help me
[Re: M and M]
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Ineligible
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Registered: 08/09/01
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You are not disgusting and you are not a freak. You are a decent person who is struggling with difficulties that anyone would find very difficult.
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#354106 - 04/05/10 10:40 PM
Re: Doctors can't seem to help me
[Re: Ineligible]
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M and M
Registered: 12/18/07
Posts: 55
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Is this going to be something that I have to deal with my whole life? I CANNOT DO THIS. It's too much work and I'm getting no reward from any of it.
All I can do is cry by myself and wonder what it'll take for someone to be beside me and actually help me.
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