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#356001 - 08/22/10 10:29 PM
Friendship - I'm confused.
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M and M
Registered: 12/18/07
Posts: 55
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So lately I thought I always just didn't like making new friends. But lately I've realized that it's not that I don't like to, it's that the right opportunities don't come along as often as I wish they did. Bear with me. Imagine you and some other person start hanging out and you're kinda just starting to get to know each other (I'm speaking strictly friendship based here). You know how the first few times you hang out alone are kind of awkward? Like, I have this 'friend' that's super nice and awesome and I'd be fine becoming good, aka close, friends with him. It's just that the few times we've hung out outside of a group setting, I just don't know what to do. It's awkward and time seems to creep by.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying it's like destroying my life or whatever, it just seems to move a bit slow for my taste. Because on the other end of the spectrum, every once in a while (6-12 months) I come across people that I just have this feeling about. It's impossible to describe haha - because I don't even know. I only realized it even happening recently. Like, you just hang out with a group and I sometimes found this one person that I just think, "He seems really cool - I want to be his friend." But that doesn't happen often. But the weird thing is - the people who I feel that with are my closest friends - guys and girls. It's like a weird subconscious thing.
But what really throws me off, and this is why I'm asking here, since Google proved to have to answers, those people that I want to become friends with, usually feel the same way about me. Suddenly, making a new friend turns from being a sort of awkward, "What do I do now...," situation and those people and I just click as friends. I met someone during an activity this summer and I thought hey, he's cool, we should be friends. And we are now. And we share a ton of interests and viewpoints etc. This happens to everyone that I actually bother pursuing becoming friends with. It just works out. Why does this happen?
It seems all too coincidental that all the people that I actually really want to be friends with, are so like-minded as me. Maybe that's why I do. But I never know these things until afterwards. And the first times I've hung out with people who I've never hung out with before but that I actually want to put an effort into being friends with, it's never awkward. It's easy to find something to talk about because a lot of it is shared.
Okay so I sort of feel like I'm describing me falling in love with some girl haha... but it's not that at all. I know what it feels like to start "like" liking someone, and this is completely different.
I dunno. I just don't get it. Why is it that my mind subconsciously weeds people out and then chooses oh so selectively who I should be friends with? I don't mind because it's doing a great job, I absolutely love all the close friends that I have because of this. It just doesn't happen as often as I'd like. Some friends went off to college... one and I just turned out that we shouldn't be friends after all. But I just don't understand it haha!
I never even bother trying to *really* become friends with someone just because I think they're a nice person. I hang out with them, sure, and we're definitely "friends," but there's a big difference between friends and my close friends.
Does this make any sense? I've just been dead-confused about it ever since I realized that it wasn't that I didn't like making friends, haha.
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#356002 - 08/23/10 01:38 AM
Re: Friendship - I'm confused.
[Re: M and M]
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Ineligible
Administrator
Registered: 08/09/01
Posts: 15528
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Many philosophers have asked the same question. It's not as if a friend is identical to us, but there has to be some degree of shared interest and compatibility. It's very hard to put a finger on it precisely.
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#356005 - 08/23/10 08:13 PM
Re: Friendship - I'm confused.
[Re: Ineligible]
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M and M
Registered: 12/18/07
Posts: 55
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Do you know where I could find more information on this? Like what to search for? It makes me so curious...
But yeah, they're not the same person, my friends have tons of differences between me and them, but for whatever reason... Although it seems more of a psychological thing.
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