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#89898 - 05/13/05 11:02 PM
Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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sadbuttrue
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I can't see an awful lot of posts on here about liver cancer (if any).
My mum has been ill for over a month now. She complained of abdominal pain which was very bad indeed.
The doctor said it was probably gallstones, and so she had a scan booked. She had the scan a couple of days ago (almost 4 weeks after she reported the problem - the UK health service is awful) and it came back as negative to gallstones, but something else was wrong.
Turns out she has an enlarged liver and she was rushed to hospital for more in-depth tests.
Today she came back home, as there was nothing more they could do until Monday morning where they're doing a full body scan.
They told her that there was a pretty good chance that it's liver cancer.
Now I'm scared to death. I did a little research and found out that the survival rate of liver cancer isn't too great. In fact it's pretty pathetic.
Supposedly once it reaches the stage where the victim is experiencing pain - it's too late to do something worthwhile about it.
So now I'm so worried that I'm going to lose her. Does anyone here have any experience in this? I don't think I could survive without her...
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#89899 - 05/14/05 05:23 AM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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~AngelWitch~
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Hon, I am sooooo sorry to hear about your mum.
I felt exactly the same as you when my mum got Breast Cancer a few years ago. I found it really hard, because i had to be strong for her, when I was hurting so much inside.
The liver is the only organ in the body that can actually re-grow, I know someone who had part of thier liver removed, and they are fine, hopefully, if the worst comes to the worst and she does have liver cancer, they can take the diseased bit away and she will be able to carry on as normal.
Again Im so sorry, but, try to stay positive, tho the statistics show the survival rate as low, people DO survive......
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#89901 - 05/16/05 04:36 AM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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~AngelWitch~
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Hon please don't say that. Things seem hard right now, but you have no idea what the future holds. The fear of someone close to us dying is SO scary that is seems too much to cope with, but, there is no saying your mum is going to die. You have to be strong and give her something to live for, and support eachother.
Please PM me if you want someone to talk to whos been there.......wish I could give ya a big hug, you sound like you need one *hug*
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Get a taste of Old Time Religion..........lick a witch *grin*
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#89902 - 05/16/05 12:42 PM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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sdp
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I'm sorry to hear that. I know how you feel and what you are going through. My mother died from cancer 10 yrs ago. By the time she was feeling bad enough to go to the doctor to see what was wrong with her, the cancer had metastasized and had fully engulfed her liver. We don't know the source of the cancer. There were really no treatment options either since it was so bad. Ours was an extreme case and you don't know the details for your mother, so don't give up hope. We're here to support you.
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#89903 - 05/17/05 11:45 AM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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sadbuttrue
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Well it sounds like my mother has the same as yours had.
She has liver cancer, which has metastised from the bowel it seems, and she's not expected to live.
As with you, they don't know how it happened.
It's not settled in to my head yet. I'm scared.
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#89904 - 05/17/05 12:19 PM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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Amz
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I'm sorry hun *sends you cuddles*
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#89905 - 05/17/05 01:06 PM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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~AngelWitch~
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Im really sorry to hear the diagnosis is so bleak....
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#89906 - 05/17/05 08:16 PM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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Ineligible
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I'm sorry, sadbuttrue. That doesn't sound good. Try to make her time left happy and comfortable for her. Plan - together as appropriate - how you will live after she is gone.
It's perfectly normal for this not to be settled in your head. It will take a long time to settle, and you may go through a lot of different emotions. That's all normal, so don't worry that you aren't feeling the right emotions at the right time.
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#89907 - 05/18/05 02:00 AM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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Steve_A
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I'm very sorry to hear that. My mom had something similar.
The most important thing is to be there for your mom (not just physically). Now is the time to share the things you've been thinking about but haven't said.
You're not alone. Lots of people around here have been through difficult family medical situations. Please let us know how things are going.
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Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. -- MLK
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#89908 - 05/27/05 12:19 PM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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sadbuttrue
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Well, we got the news today.
Stomach cancer that metastized into the liver.
She's expected to have 4 months left. They say it's so far in that chemotherapy would only sustain her another couple of weeks at best.
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#89909 - 05/27/05 12:25 PM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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sdp
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Yeah, I'm sorry about the news. I can't say that any of this is going to be easy. Hopefully she will go easy like my mother. If you need to talk, let me know.
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#89910 - 07/18/05 04:07 PM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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sadbuttrue
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It's been a while, thought I'd post an update.
She's been doing chemotheraphy for about 2 months, and she had a scan today to see if it's helping any. We know it's not gonna cure it, but we're hoping it'll slow it down. Should get the results on Wednesday.
She has lost all of her hair and is retaining fluid, which has made her look pregnant. She's quite ill, looks very pale and is very weak. She has lost all of her independence.
It's really tough because she gets very angry a lot of the time.
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#89911 - 07/18/05 04:28 PM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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NtroducingMyself
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Very sorry to hear about the situation. I'll keep you and your mother in my prayers.
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#89912 - 07/18/05 06:24 PM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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Steve_A
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Since you are an (or the) advocate for your mother's care, you should do the following:
-o- Learn everything you possibly can about liver cancer and its treatment. Make sure you understand your mother's current chemotherapy and its potential side effects. Make sure you know what alternative chemotherapy exists if the current one proves ineffective.
-o- Make sure there's nothing the doctor says that you don't understand. Ask him to explain further and/or look it up, if there's an issue.
-o- Make sure your mother's side effects are dealt with, whether they are nausea, diarrhea, etc. There are relatively easy ways to treat most of those things.
-o- Your mother should never be in pain. In some ways, pain treatment is more advanced in the UK than it is in the U.S.
-o- Anger is very common when people feel sick and lose their independence. It's easy for me to tell you to be understanding, since I'm not there to deal with it. It would help if you had someone to talk to (counselor, social worker, etc....they are accustomed to dealing with this kind of thing). Don't neglect your own needs. You need personal time to stay sane. Try to be active.
Value the time you have with your mother. Say the things you always meant to say. If you do it now, you will be happier after she is gone. That's true even if she has a miraculous recovery.
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Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. -- MLK
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#89913 - 07/19/05 05:02 AM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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~AngelWitch~
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my mum ended up looking ill when she had chemotherapy, the hair loss just seemed to add to the whole......image.......I hope it helps hon, i really do, its so hard to see someone you love in such a state, but you are strong, and you will keep it together, for yourself and your mum.
Thanks for taking the time to post an update, are you getting any support by the way?
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#89914 - 07/27/05 07:55 AM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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sadbuttrue
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Just got the results of the CT scan...
the chemotherapy has done absolutely nothing whatsoever. All it has done is made her lose her hair and feel unneccesarly ill for a few weeks.
So that sucks...
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#89915 - 07/27/05 08:06 AM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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~AngelWitch~
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sorry to hear than hon, but, everything is worth trying, you don't know if its gonna work or not........im sorry it didn't work for your mum. So will she be having radiotherapy now or surgery?
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#89916 - 07/27/05 08:51 AM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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sadbuttrue
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Neither will work. They could possibly fix the liver, but it's the stomach that's the problem - and if they fix the liver, it'll just come back again.
Apparently there's another form of chemo she can take - so that's being investigated on friday...
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#89917 - 07/27/05 09:18 AM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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~AngelWitch~
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well i really hope they find something that works on your mum hon.......good luck.
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#89918 - 09/29/05 01:54 PM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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sadbuttrue
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She passed away today at roughly 3pm.
She was admitted to hospital late last week because she was feeling more ill than usual, also she had been retaining a lot of fluid which had made her bloated.
They drained the fluid off and she deteriorated from then on. Low blood pressure and eventually she passed away.
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#89919 - 09/29/05 01:56 PM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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NtroducingMyself
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I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I'll keep my thoughts and prayers for you and your family though this hard time.
It's always hard to loss a loved one, esp a parent. Though atleast she is no longer in pain, atleast that you can be happy for.
Take care and be safe.
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#89920 - 09/29/05 03:50 PM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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~AngelWitch~
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OMG i don't know what to say except i am so very sorry for your loss *big hug*
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#89921 - 09/29/05 04:42 PM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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sdp
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I'm sorry to hear about it. I've been though it and I know how you feel. Life is not fair.
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#89922 - 09/30/05 07:01 AM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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Ineligible
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I'm very sorry, sadbuttrue. 
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#89923 - 09/30/05 10:29 AM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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sadbuttrue
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I am so lost right now. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do next. I don't know whats gonna happen to the mortgage on the house (cos I sure as hell can't afford it), or about anything else.
I think I've arranged a funeral, but I can't remember properly.
I'm not grieving - I don't know how.
When the news was broken, I didn't know how to react. I was just sat there.
Then they asked if I wanted to see her, and I exploded for about a minute, then it stopped again. I don't know what to do.
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#89924 - 09/30/05 10:46 AM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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NtroducingMyself
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>I'm not grieving - I don't know how.
You system is probably still in shock. You'll greive eventually once everything sinks in. My brother was the same way at my grandfathers funeral (We were all very close to him). It wasn't until at the cemetary did it really sink in for him.
You have a lot on your mind right now, just take time to breath and don't become too over welmed, though I know that's easier said than done.
Take Care hun!
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#89925 - 09/30/05 11:17 AM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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~AngelWitch~
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don't beat yourself up cos you can't see yourself 'grieving how you are supposed to' there is no right and wrong way to feel in a situation like this, you will probably feel a rollercoaster of emotion, from anger cos shes not there to dispair about the future, every thing you feel is perfectly normal.
as for the future, have you got anyone to help you, to talk to, to give you a hug even. I can't imagine how you feel, but take little steps, or it will be overwhelming. One thing at a time, get the funeral over first before you panic about the mortgage, and when its time to think about that, find help and advice about it all, don't let anyone rush you.
I have felt lost before, and its the scariest thing in the world, but you do get through it, and people will help, you have to ask, dont' expect people to offer cos often they don't want to 'interfere' or poke there noses in, when really all you want is someone to take over a bit. People are afraid of saying and doing the wrong thing when there is a death. You will need help. Ask for it. I feel so patronising even writing this post, but i have been through a lot of funerals etc with people and your post made me cry cos they felt just like you do - im sorry if it does come across as patronising.
I wish there was something i could do to help, words that would make it all go away but there isn't. You WILL cope, and be able to smile and remember the good days, in time.
Thinking about you *hugs*
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#89926 - 09/30/05 01:25 PM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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sadbuttrue
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What I'm finding really spooky is that they said it'd be 4 months, and it was, almost to the day. Yet there were always signs she was improving. At the beginning of the week she was "fine", and I saw her on Tuesday, and apart from being very bloated, she seemed quite cheery.
I just informed one of her friends, who saw her about 20 mins before she went, and she said that while she looked quite ill, she was still trying to hold a conversation.
I feel so bad that I wasn't there for her.
I miss her so much.
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#89927 - 09/30/05 01:52 PM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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~AngelWitch~
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you will always miss her, it will just get easier to cope with.
The fact that she was holding conversations and seemed cheery would help me to know she wasn't suffering, towards the end, and as a mother myself the last thing i would want is my kids spending all their time by my bedside, i wouldn't want them to see me like that for one, and i would want them to continue their lives as they had been doing and try not to worry about me........i personally beleive that when people die they are still with us if and when we need them.........your mum will know how much you love her don't doubt that.
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#89928 - 09/30/05 09:00 PM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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Steve_A
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> I don't know whats gonna happen to the mortgage on the house (cos I sure as hell can't afford it), or about anything else.
Is there anyone else, anyone at all, who can help you? Anyone in your family? Do you have any siblings? Family friends? I wouldn't worry about the technical details about what to do with the property, etc. at the moment.
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Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. -- MLK
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#89929 - 09/30/05 09:04 PM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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sdp
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I don't know what the inheritance situation is, but if you get the house, rent it! Don't lose it.
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#89930 - 10/01/05 12:39 AM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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Ineligible
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Don't worry about how you feel, sadbuttrue. There are lots of feelings you might have, and they can come and go and change, and they're all OK.
The inheritance situation will depend whether there is a will and what its terms are and who is the executor. The local council may well have an advice bureau that can help. But there's no hurry about that. Until the house is passed on to you it belongs to the estate and that means the bank has to accept that mortgage payments might be delayed. There's not much they can do about it until probate, though of course the mortgage will continue to accrue interest.
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#89931 - 10/01/05 05:07 AM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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sadbuttrue
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We have a copy of the will here, and 50% goes to me, and 50% goes to my brother ....and thats everything, not just the house.
The problem is that the mortgage for the house is way past what me and my brother earn (as I have just returned to uni, so I don't earn much any more).
Whether mum's life assurance will pull through is the big question mark over our heads at the moment. If it does, then all we'll have to work on is paying bills etc (which we may get a lodger to help out with).
I'm going to the funeral directors this morning to work out the details.
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#89932 - 10/01/05 05:19 AM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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~AngelWitch~
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hon you sound like you are coping a lot better than i think i would be *hugs*
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#89933 - 10/01/05 06:56 AM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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sadbuttrue
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I had no idea funerals cost so much!
£1500 for the most basic thing I can get.
£380 to burn a body
£140 for 2 doctors to sign a form
£95 for a vicar
£980 for a hearse and coffin.
It's extortionate.
I don't think my grieving will begin till after the funeral. Thats why I want to get everything out of the way beforehand.
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#89935 - 10/01/05 08:28 PM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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Ineligible
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Oh, I'm so sorry. That's the last thing you needed right now.
I agree, funerals are extortionate. I ought to organise my own - something with a cardboard box and a bonfire in the backyard, perhaps.
If it turns out that the mortgage will be too much of a burden, considerably more than you'd get from rent if you rented the place out, it might be better to sell. But don't worry about that just now.
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#89937 - 04/06/06 07:48 PM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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sdp
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I'm sure it's hard. I hope you are doing better soon.
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#89938 - 04/07/06 10:25 AM
Re: Worried about Mother - liver cancer
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NtroducingMyself
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That has to be really hard, but at least you are finally grieving. Remember that's a good thing. Helps people come to grips on what happened and to move forward.
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